Little Pieces (In Progress very slowely)

So the tears started to fall, and I could do nothing.

Sammy Crowbar

Sam was sitting on the tire swinging
Think about the little things
Until the teacher counts all your fingers
Push her down before the bell begins to ring

Skin the knee on a gravel swingset
Make a home among the trees
Gather into a cedar boardroom
Prick the finger until it starts to bleed

Chorus
You look lovely in that window, please stay
Until you come down, take it all away
And leave me before it's all too late

Pull a knife on a candy dealer
Lie about the little things
Scratch my head at equation problems
Hide in towers until you start to sink

Take a lesson from Sammy Crowbar
He had problems with dirty ink
Splattered colors on a denim canvas
Sammy painted all the love that he could eat

Serial Killers 2 Week 4

Richard Chase the Vampire of Sacramento
Serial Killers
Week 4
It was a normal day at the hospital. Doctors milling around with clip boards examining patients. Nurses scurrying trying to get all of the patients happy and rested. A waiting room gushed with the sick and injured sitting quiet, waiting for their turn to be healed. A young man sits in the waiting room chair bouncing his legs up and down impatiently fearing the worst has happened. Fearing he would be soon dead of heart failure. He cannot wait a minute longer. He leaps to his feet and shouts at all who work there that he needs to be seen, “Someone has stolen my pulmonary artery!”
Richard Chase was a severe hypochondriac, paranoid of everything. Afraid that if something could be wrong with him, they would be. He even invented ways in which he was sick. He invented something called “Soapdish poisoning.” He explained that everyone owns a soapdish, the things you put your bar of soap on. If you lift up the soap, and it was dry underneath, you were fine. If you lifted it up and it was gooey under there, you had been poisoned. When infected, your blood would begin to disintegrate into powder and needed more blood to replace it. He often complained that the bones were growing out of his head, and that his stomach was backwards.
Richard was put into psychiatric treatment die to all of the things he had wondering around in his mind. They had learned of his childhood through his warped stories. He admitted to torturing and killing small animals growing up and to heavy drug use as a teenager to today. In his early teens he began killing cats and told about the belief that his blood was turning to powder and needed more blood injected to treat it. Despite the doctors wishes and observations, Richard was released into the world after being deemed harmless. That is a pattern of many of these serial killer stories. At some point, someone had the chance to make a difference, and in every occasion, the patient was looked over, underestimated and set free, deemed harmless only to kill people. Says something about the way this country works and speaks also to the ways in which we often treat people. Pretending others are just numbers and by passing the opportunities we get to make a difference.
Richard was released and went back home, only to find that the state had given his parents money to care for him, but they would not let him live in their home, they were afraid of him. So he lived in an apartment unwatched, and it was here that things went all wrong. His family very seldom visited him and they denied him the chance to see them too. His mother weaned him off the drugs the doctors gave him thinking he did not need them, except they still stayed away out of fear. I think it had more to do with the money the drugs cost, than the fact he didn’t need them, or so they thought. He got crazier and crazier finding stray dogs and cats and bringing them into his apartment and mutilating them to drink their blood to treat his powdering blood problem. He once even inject an animals blood into his own veins, making himself violently ill in the process. Richard was extremely malnourished as he weighed only 115 pounds and he was 5’11. He had no drivers license so he stalked around the neighborhood looking for animals and pretty much creeping everyone out. There are so many cases of serial killers who were careful and reserved, where none of their family or friends suspected anything, or the neighbors had no idea, this was not the case with Richard. The whole neighborhood was scared of this guy as he would randomly walk around town with blood around his lips and on his clothes. He began reading about stories of the Hillside Strangler, a serial killer at the time and became obsessed. He was tired of hunting animals all of the time, they were too hard to catch and this Hillside Strangler seemed to have no problem getting humans and not getting caught. So out of curiosity at first, he buys a semi-automatic .22 caliber rifle and takes a car and drives around the town shooting at houses. By accident, or not really, he hits a man in the back, killing him. This was the first of several horrific murders that’s details are so unthinkable, they are hard to even comprehend.
Robert and Barbara Edwards were returning from grocery shopping when they heard noises from inside the house, some crashing and some glass breaking. They were the window pop in the back and he was running away having apparently heard them coming. The police said this was just a random beak in with the motive being theft and left it alone. However, there was some evidence that a more sinister thing was taking place as they found in their child’s bedroom, that the man had peed in the drawer of the babies clean clothing and pooped on his bed. Doesn’t sound too much like a robbery to me, how about you? Later Robert would tell authorities that he would mill around the neighborhood checking each person’s doors and if the were locked, that meant he was not welcome. If they were unlocked, he was free to come in. And apparently poop on their kids beds.
He continued this when he came across the home of Teresa Wallin, a three month pregnant woman. He shot her mailbox in broad daylight and walked right in shooting two shots at her. The first went into her hand that she held up in defense, and the second her head. He then shot her in the temple and began some very strange and sickening procedures. He raped her, and stabbed her multiple times in various places and began removing her organs and cutting them open, pouring their blood and fluids into an empty yogurt container and drinking them. When he was finished, he tried to place the organs back into the body and put animal poop in her mouth. He killed the baby that was inside of her in a way I will not talk about and left the woman to be found by her husband.
He then turned his attention to another house. Evelyn Miroth, who was babysitting her nephew at the time. Her friends Danny was over as well, when he entered shooting the quiet gun and killing Danny and Jason, the nephew and then killing Evelyn in the bathtub. He did the same treatment to them he did with Teresa, his previous victim, drinking their blood and leaving their mutilated bodies behind. He would leave them as his clothes were covered in blood and teeth stained with it. He would speak to others in this condition with no regard or care of being caught at all. He was reckless, and that is what got him caught.
The police searched his apartment and found that is was a haven of rot. Rotting flesh laying everywhere. Human brains on the plate, rotting animal all over the place. A smell that could make dog poop puke. They found a series of blenders that were used for grinding up the organs and making smoothies that would aid in adding “Better blood” into his body. All of the details of their findings are irrelevant and too terrible to disclose, but it was a mess.
Richard was tried and sentenced to death. As he sat on death row, he decided to allow an author to interview him, where he gave more and more details of his killings, and simply saw the victims as a means to save his life. He claims it was not human blood he lusted for. He was afraid for his life and still is. The humans were an easier way to get the blood needed to keep him alive. It was nothing personal. It was pretty personal to the families of those he slaughtered. He committed suicide at the request of the others on death row who did not like him alive around them. He overdosed on anti-anxiety pills and was found dead in his cell weighing less than a hundred pounds due to his fear that his food would poison him.
Fear and Selfishness. Have you ever seen the movie Titanic. When the boat goes down, there is this guy who tries to use the woman’s head to keep him alive, not caring that he is drowning her. We see it on Black Friday when selfish people trample another to death for a sale. This isn’t even out of fear for their lives, this is out of greed. People will do some pretty crazy things when their lives are in jeopardy or in the case of Richard, think their lives are in jeapardy.
In Richards case, he was messed up. He had all of the signs of someone who would kill growing up, the torturing animals and weirdness. He had not gone overboard though until he began using drugs like a madman, meanwhile messing up his brain and triggering many different chemical imbalances making him hallucinate even when sober and have these detestable and imaginative ideas and anxieties. Richard did truly believe he was dying of blood poisoning as all of the evidence shows. He feared for his life. Does that make him not responsible? In not way does that give him a pass. He knew and admitted, he was messed up, but did nothing. He chose to purposefully not take his meds and to disregard other human and animal life just to save his own. The point is that when we fear, we have the capability to act out in ways that disregard everyone else around us. Kill or be killed attitudes are not from God, but perpetuated by those in our culture who wish to get ahead.
When people fear vulnerable, they fear. When people fear, they often think only for themselves. They act out. When people do not like themselves much or feel like they have qualities that are unattractive, they try to mask those qualities in fear of being found out. In doing that, many turn to hurting others to put the focus on the other instead of themselves. This is the attitude of the bully. This is usually the case when you get a person who tries to hurt others, they are usually trying to mask their own fear. It happens in your schools, it happens in relationships, many times occurring as abuse, and it happens right here at Liquid and it is stupid.
Luke 22:42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
Here is Jesus weeping blood from his face out of so much fear. He is about to me mutilated and He knows it. He is about to undergo the worst punishment that mankind has ever seen and ever will see again in just a few hours. The soldiers are in the garden to come and get him and He prays to His Father for another way to redeem the whole world of it’s sin. He knows there is no other answer, but in His humanity, he fears and wishes their were. Instead of throwing everyone else under the bus to save Himself, and instead of lying His way to freedom which He had so many chances to do. He allows what must happen for the greater good of mankind, the salvation of mankind. He allows the torture, the punishment for uncommitted crimes, and the rejection of those He loves, which is everyone. He endures it.
John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
Mark 9:35 Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
Gen. 4:9 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” “I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
This last one is really interesting because Cain killed Abel his brother because he was jealous and fearful he would be found out as a fraud by giving the garbage to God as a sacrifice. Of course God knew he was doing it. Cain asks the question, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” The answer is yes, he is, but he has killed his brother out of selfishness and fear and jealousy.
We need to put ourselves behind others. Stop thinking only about ourselves and think about others. That is how we show Jesus in our lives to others. That is how souls are won to eternity in Heaven. People attract to real things, and Christ’s love in you is very real.
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Serial Killers 2 Week 3

Jon and Robert
Serial Killers 2
Week 3

"The violent child is the most potent image of violated innocence that we have. If humankind is capable of this, then perhaps we are beyond redemption." — Ian McEwan
Mother Denise Bulger walked into the Strand shopping mall with her son 3 year old James and her brother’s girlfriend to shop and to return some things. They took their time shopping and enjoying their day. It was a school day, so most children were in school and the mall was peaceful. James was getting a little restless and beginning to get a little whiny. Denise left the boy for a moment with the brothers girlfriend in the store as she went across the hall to get him something to snack on. Leaving him at the doorway alone.
Jon Venerables and Robert Thompson were cutting school that day and decided to go to the mall to steal some things and cause some trouble. They were both rambunctious 10 year old who had a long line of problems. They met when Jon had tried to strangle out of anger a classmate in his old school. He was sent to another school for a fresh start. His parents wrote it off to the fact that he was stressed over their latest separation, which had been a regular occurrence with his family His parents had made it a habit to keep separating, then reuniting. He was the middle of three children, both siblings had severe developmental problems. The instability of his home life made all of the children act out in anger getting them all in trouble often, but nothing too serious. Jon was a puny child, much smaller than the other kids his age and very frail in his appearance.
Robert was known around the neighborhood for his antics. Whenever something happened, the police always came to question him, and often it was him who did it. He was an abused child with 5 abused siblings. The son of an alcoholic mother and abusive father who later had abandoned the family for good. With all of the abuse in the house, Robert had to contend with the abuse from his older siblings who had grown very violent and gave the abuse they suffered back to him. He in turn focused his abuse on his younger brother. He had an odd relationship with his little brother. At night they would use each other as a comfort blanket of sorts, sleeping together and sucking each other’s thumbs. However, there were times that Robert was mean and brutal to his little brother, once even abandoning him at a canal. This canal would soon be notorious.
Jon and Robert were in the mall that day cutting school and getting into trouble. They enjoyed stealing. Not to keep the things they stole, most of the time they abandoned the things they took. They would run up and hit old people, then run, take things and throw them threw the mall. They were growing more and more destructive and more and more stupid as the day went on. One of the two boys suggested to the other to take a child and get it lost to scare it’s parents. Unfortunately, the other agreed. They approached a child while his mother was distracted and lured it to them, the child came, but mom turned and saw and they quickly pretended to be playing with the kid and sent it back to their mother. Almost caught. They then tried again, this time finding Denise Bulger distracted buying food and her child James standing at the door. They took him by the hand and lured him with them down the hall and right out the door. Not much is known about the reason that the kids decided to take this kid out of the mall to get it lost, but they did. They walked the child around town for a while when the reached the canal, the place Robert had abandoned his brother. It was here that they first hurt James. One of them picked him up and dropped him on his head forming a large bump and bruise with a cut that bled down his head. The boys ran away as if this was going to be the end of it, they had taken a step further than planned and the baby was now hurt. Someone came along and saw the child and at the same time, the two boys either felt sorry for what they had done and wanted to get the boy, or wanted to do more harm returned to the child acting as if it was their little brother took him and comforted them as the woman went about her business. Almost caught again. The two boys left the canal with James and lost their plan I think as they just began wandering around the city hanging out at shops, holding James hand as he cried for his mother. A fire broke out down the road, so they stopped in to see that for a while, then headed off walking in plain daylight with the child. A motorist was driving by and witnessed Robert kick the boy in the ribs in what he described as a “persuading kick” but the motorist did and said nothing, just kept driving. Almost caught again.
“A woman saw James running between the two boys and assumed they were playing. At another intersection, James began to cry for his mother again. He ran off and almost ran into traffic, but Robert caught him and pulled him back. Motorists watched the boys as they crossed the street and could see that James was crying, dragging his heels. Some thought James was crying because he was not allowed to run free. But others wondered where the parents were.
Jon carried James by the legs, while Robert held him by the chest. They awkwardly carried the boy to a grassy plateau by a reservoir where they sat on a step and rested, placing James between them. A woman walking her dog passed them by and noticed that little James was laughing. But moments later, another person saw Jon punch James, grabbing him and violently shaking him. For some inexplicable reason, this witness pulled her curtains, shutting out the scene. It was growing dark.” (CrimeLibrary.com) Almost caught again.
A little later a young woman noticed the little boys injuries on his head that had been covered with a scarf and wanted to escort the kids to the police station down the street to have them look at it. The boys lied and lied, and she knew it but had a small child of her own so she asked a person walking their dog if they could watch her daughter while she escorted them to the station. The dog walker said no because the dog did not like children. The boys lied and said the station was on the way home and they could get there fine alone. The woman allowed them to leave and went on her way. Almost caught again. This would be the last chance anyone got to stop the vicious kids.
The boys got tired of walking and had no real plan so they headed to the railroad tracks, and that is where things went to another level. Jon flung some blue paint into the eyes of the child, something he had seen on Child’s Play 3 with his father who watched nothing but horror movies. He did this to dehumanize the child. To make him look like something not human to deal with what they were about to do with him. The boys then began throwing stones at him, then hit him with bricks. Then after hurting him near fatally, the inserted AA batteries into his rectum to try and bring him back to life like some kind of robot. They then beat him more and left his body halfway on a set of train tracks with his face covered in bricks. The boy was left their alive, but died later before or after his body was cut in half at the waist by a passing train. The boys went home to their lives and the search for the killers had begun. The body was found by some children playing soccer and reported. The mall tapes were examined to show the two kids escorting the child out of the mall. The kids had not even tried to cover up the murder as they came home with blood on their clothes and blue paint on their jackets. They were caught and interrogated. While being questioned, they each blamed only each other accidently admitting to several things before they cracked and Jon admitted to killing the boy, but then explained how it was Robert who did the most damage. The boys were found guilty and sentenced to 8 years in juvie, then they would be transported to the adult prison at the sentence discretion of the Lord Chief Justice which was a judge in England. In later years, different politicians at the anger of the citizens increased the sentence to 15 years, which was later found to be illegal. In the end, the court awarded the parents of the killers their defense money they had paid to the lawyers and deemed that the trial was unfair because the prosecution had elevated the seats of the killers to make them look older. The boys had their sentences reduced to 8 years and promised identity protection for the rest of their lives. In 2001, the boys were released with new names, birth certificates and everything else and moved to Australia to live free and happy.
Matt. 18:6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.
This is a little different in this series because most of the killers were mass murderers and this is the story of one death. But it isn’t the amount of people killed we are looking at today, it is the gruesomeness of the children that killed another child. This was not some grown up, sick dude that stalked and killed, these were kids themselves, ten year old kids. What causes a ten year old to do such things? What made these two different from any other ten year old.
Abuse. Neglect. Rejection.
Last week we talked about how no one else could be blamed for the actions that you commit because you had the choice, you had many ways out. How about a child influenced by and with another child who had been raised in a lifestyle of abuse and anger? In the case of a child, you must look first to mental insanity, then to the home life of the kids to even attempt to figure out what went wrong. The kids were both deemed sane by psychiatrists, being that they understood that death was forever and that they had taken someone’s life, so now they had to look at their upbringing.
Many people want to kill these two freed men because they feel justice was not served. I read they only spent 8 years in juvy and even got solid educations, and I think, wow, how unfair for taken the life of another person, a child, and how they did it. However, we need to understand that a kid is a kid who needs to be taught and disciplined, loved, nurtured, and trained into a grown up. 10 years old is not a grown up, it is a child who neither of them got the love, and nurture, and discipline, only pain. They learned only pain and rejection and they acted out.
For this one we have to look and point the finger at the parents. People think that they can act however they want and do whatever they want and it will have no effect on the kids. It means everything. This may seem premature and out of the ordinary here for me to talk about parenting to teenagers, but one day, most of you will have kids and my prayer is that you remember this night.
Back to verse. It is clearly our responsibility to raise our children in Christ. To give them all they need to survive this nasty world.
Prov. 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
This is the point to reproduction. Our kids are not our own, they belong to God and are entrusted to us to teach them about God, their Father in Heaven, their Creator. We do not have the choice to raise “Our kids” “Our way.” The Bible says that in the last days people will be lovers of themselves, which means people will be selfish and live however they want forgetting how it effects others, especially themselves. Parents are given the responsibility to give their children all of the things God gives us because as a parent, we model Jesus to our children. When we choose to put ourselves first, we hurt those that are being put behind us. These two kids didn’t deserve to be abused, they didn’t deserve the neglect or rejection. They were just kids. They made a series of bad choices that were only reflection of the bad choices their parents had continually made in their lives. All the knew was pain. They were developmentally able to grasp what they were doing and that there was a way out and something better because hey were controlled by their circumstances.
Matt. 10:21 “Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death.
If God asks you what you did with the people he has entrusted to you, what do you want to say. You don’t have kids now, but it is important for you to formulate a plan now for when you do how you are going to parent those children. Are you going to tell God “I just fell out of love with the father or mother, that’s why we split the family up?” Are you going to tell Him you were drunk all time? How about you just have a bad temper and take it too far sometimes. Are you going to say those things to God, because He isn’t listening. We need to make a plan right now to give our children a Godly upbringing and protect them from the evils of this world. A child should never feel abuse, or rejection, or brokenness. A child should be happy and full of love and hope.

This is a picture of the victim.


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Serial Killers 2 Week 2

This is a series based on the some of the darkest of sins. It is a series intended to show the lives of certain serial killers, to show their humanity, and to highlight the things that cause this kind of death in a person that would compel them to kill another in cold blood. Be advised, there are graphic materials in his series and during the duration of my studies for this one, I have become depressed, saddened, and disheartened.





Jerry Brudos
Serial Killers 2
Week 2

Looks like Haley Joel Osment in a bunch of years doesn’t it? Hopefully they do not share the same fate.
Jerry Brudos was seventeen when the police arrived at his parents house and arrested him. They had gotten a report from a teenage girl that he had tried to kidnap her with the intention of taking pornographic photos of her. He had beaten her up and when arrested had no problem telling the police the truth. He was put in psychiatric treatment for 9 months. While in treatment, Jerry confessed some alarming things. He told about how he had dug a large hole in the ground, a place to where in his fantasies he could hide sex slaves, making them obey his every command. He admitted to breaking into women’s houses and stealing their shoes, underwear, and clothing. After 7 months of treatment, the center decided to release him back into the general public, citing him as being borderline schizophrenic and of no real harm to society. Those doctors probably should lose their licenses after what Jerry Brudos did after his release.
Jerry grew up in a very dysfunctional home. He was born of a woman who did not want another boy after having 2 prior. She treated him badly, she treated him as someone who was not wanted, loved, or valuable to the family, especially her. His development was stunted from birth. He began in time to hate his mother. He had fascinations with other woman different from him as he dreamed that his life would have started out being loved by one of these other woman who cared and loved their children. He dreamed of having a different mother and a different life, one without so much pain. His mind became warped, and at the tender age of 5 he began trying on women’s shoes after he had found a pair in a dumpster nearby his home. It was exhilarating to do this. It made him powerful, like his mother. It is very common in these killers to see that some had this kind of hate obsession relationship with their mothers. On one hand they would want nothing more but to kill them, and on the other they are to obsessed with them and controlled emotionally to break free from their grasp. So they mimic them. Jerry began at this age to wear women’s clothing, mostly shoes and underwear, and to start breaking into their homes and raping them, stealing their clothing as he left. At this point, none of the women were killed until one day, a magazine sales woman showed up at his door.
Jerry had previously found a woman opposite of his mother and married her having children as well. His wife was submissive at every turn. She was resigned to let him do what he was going to do and not make a fuss about it. Although she did not know what he was doing, she trusted and resigned herself to leave it alone, even when she found developed pictures of bound and nude women. Even when she was instructed to never go into the attic or the woodshed.
This day the sales woman was lured, with Jerry’s family inside the house, out to the woodshed. As she entered, he hit her with a board and raped and killed her. After he finished the, he cleaned up with some rags, went right in the house and asked the family if they would like to go have dinner with him at a local restaurant. After this day, he was hooked on murder and sexual deviancy. Killing at least 4 women, and raping and assaulting several more. He was remorseless. He saw his mother in ever one of these woman and took out his anger on them.
A very short account of what Jerry did to his victims:
Linda Slawson was raped, then killed, then raped again. A foot was removed, then she was tied to an engine and thrown into the river. Jerry then used her severed foot to try on shoes and to take pictures.
Jan Whitney, was killed and raped. They hung and stored for several days by a hook in the shed. One of her breasts were removed to make a plastic mold of it into a paper weight.
Karen Sprinker was killed, raped, then hung from the ceiling. Her breasts removed, then dumped into the river.
Linda Salee was killed, raped and he inserted wires into her sides to make her body dance with electrical current.
Jerry Brudos was arrested when he was identified by one of the woman he had attacked. From the jail, he insisted that his wife hide the women’s clothing and the photos and all of the awful things he had collected. She agreed, so he confessed with pride assuming they would never have any evidence to prove his claims were true. To his dismay, the wife had had enough. She found the evidence and was appalled and sickened. She removed nothing. The police came and searched the place finding everything that had gone on in this house right under his families nose. He was sentence to 3 consecutive life sentences and died in prison after serving 36 years. Even to the end, he showed no remorse for killing anyone. Only blame. He blamed his mother, an electrical accident, insanity, and police cohertion but never showed remorse.
2 things were at play in his messed up thinking. 1. He says he was forced to dress and act like a female as a child and was deeply hated and resented because he was a boy. So his impression of what it looked like to be a normally growing and maturing boy and man, got severely distorted. This accounts for the women’s clothing. It is common for boys with overbearing mothers and i mean extremely overbearing mothers to act out in effeminate ways. 2. His anger at being hated by his mother and his inability to experience genuine love and affection, caused a lack of humanity in him. Mix the fact that he had no respect for human life with the fact that he was terribly angry at his mother, making him hate woman, and we get a cold-blooded killer who will not feel and ounce of remorse probably for the rest of his life.
The story we have looked at today is a particularly sad one. Here on one hand, we had this kid that had the misfortune of being born a boy to a psycho mother who wanted a girl. We had this kid that struggled with his identity, and longed to feel normal, but it never happened for him. He was deranged and broken, and was not getting much help from anyone. Even when all of the warning signs were spelled out for those in the institution when he was 17, they still ignored his cry for help and set him free to become a monster.
Once he took that step from fantasy to reality he could not turn back. He became something different. He became this monster who with no fear of consequence and with great arrogance randomly ending the precious lives of unsuspecting women.
It is really important to note that man has a choice regardless of the circumstances they are handed. The Israelites used to sing this song blaming their fathers and forefathers for the mistakes them made.
Jer. 31:29 “In those days people will no longer say, ‘The fathers have eaten sour grapes, and the children’s teeth are set on edge.’ 30 Instead, everyone will die for his own sin; whoever eats sour grapes—his own teeth will be set on edge.
This is simply telling us that we cannot blame our upbringing for the things we have done. We have a choice to change what our culture calls “sick cycles” or to follow along the same cycle and allow it to negatively change the course of our lives.
Jerry Brudos was dealing with these two issues he could not let go of. Because he had not experienced lover personally, he did see it in other people, enough to know that it was out there, that it existed, however, I don’t believe he thought it existed for him. He just could not do away with the anger he felt and hatred for the person that hurt him, he would not I should say. Could implies he had no choice and he did.
There is this book called “A Child Called It” and it is about how this little boy was beaten and tortured and made a slave by his crazy parents. It is diary of sorts written by the man who went through things far worse than Jerry Brudos. This man got up, decided not to let his parents victimize him anymore by letting them ingrain hate in him, and forgive them. He grew up, had a family and wrote a book about to help other abused people to see that there is a way out. Mr. Brudos had a way out, he chose not to take it. He chose to resign himself to his perversions and allow them full reign, which we all know leads to death. He chose to hate and to allow that hate and unforgiveness for his mother rule his life. He needed help, he needed God, yet he chose the perverse.
This is what not forgiving those that hurt you produces. Hate. You may not and you had better not go off and take a persons life, but it breeds the same hatred and anger and affects us in the same ways. it causes us to be jealous, to wish harmful things on another, and to murder in our hearts.
Matt. 5:21 “You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell.
Saying murderous things about another person is the same thing. Slandering another, saying horrible things about another, and cursing another is murderous. The cause death in both people, but especially you.
See, the misconception is that we are getting back at the person by hating them and not forgiving them. This is incorrect. Do you think someone who hurt you so bad cares at all that you haven’t forgiven them? Do you think they care if you burn with anger inside? It doesn’t affect them like it does you. It burns you, it makes you miserable. Forgiveness settles you.
Psa. 39:1 I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence.” 2 But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased. 3 My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned; then I spoke with my tongue:
We can try all of the relaxation techniques we hear of. We can do Yoga twice a day to relax, but if we do not forgive, our anger will rule and we will act. Just like David describes here. We have been hurt, most of us at least, but all of us will be hurt again and again. If we do not make it our mission to practice lives of forgiveness, where we throw off what others have done, remembering they are human too and make mistakes, we will live lives in anger and act out in that anger. I chose to live in anger for the majority of my life.
I thought since I didn’t have a father, I had a right to be pissed at the world. Since the law didn’t help me, I hated the system and the government. Since I had been abandoned, I felt like everyone would abandon me, so I allowed that to make me anti-social and full of lies. It made me an actor in my own little psychotic world in which I was king. It made it me against the world and that attitude will cause nothing but pain I promise. It wasn’t until I started forgiving others that Jesus forgiveness became real to me.
It can be real to you too.

Serial Killers 2 Week 1

This is a series based on the some of the darkest of sins. It is a series intended to show the lives of certain serial killers, to show their humanity, and to highlight the things that cause this kind of death in a person that would compel them to kill another in cold blood. Be advised, there are graphic materials in his series and during the duration of my studies for this one, I have become depressed, saddened, and disheartened.




Albert Fish
Serial Killers 2
Week 1



There are few killers in American history that are remembered today as being as deranged and fiendish as the seemingly kind and harmless, Albert Fish. He looked like every child's favorite grandfather but behind the quiet facade of his silver hair and mustache lurked a hideous monster who preyed on the young and the innocent with his horrific "instruments of hell" -- a meat cleaver, a butcher knife and a saw. He was the self-admitted molester of more than 400 children during a span of 20 years and in the words of one of the shocked psychiatrists who examined him, he lived a life of "unparalleled perversity." Albert Fish remains one of the oldest men ever executed in the electric chair but it was a death that came too late for many of his victims. (prairighosts)
A Letter From Hell
"My dear Mrs. Budd,
In 1894 a friend of mine shipped as a deck hand on the Steamer Tacoma, Capt. John Davis. They sailed from San Francisco for Hong Kong China. On arriving there he and two others went ashore and got drunk. When they returned the boat was gone. At that time there was famine in China. Meat of any kind was from $1 to 3 Dollars a pound. So great was the suffering among the very poor that all children under 12 were sold for food in order to keep others from starving. A boy or girl under 14 was not safe in the street. You could go in any shop and ask for steak -- chops -- or stew meat. Part of the naked body of a boy or girl would be brought out and just what you wanted cut from it. A boy or girls behind which is the sweetest part of the body and sold as veal cutlet brought the highest price. John staid there so long he acquired a taste for human flesh. On his return to N.Y. he stole two boys one 7 one 11. Took them to his home stripped them naked tied them in a closet. Then burned everything they had on. Several times every day and night he spanked them -- tortured them -- to make their meat good and tender. First he killed the 11 year old boy, because he had the fattest ass and of course the most meat on it. Every part of his body was Cooked and eaten except the head -- bones and guts. He was Roasted in the oven (all of his ass), boiled, broiled, fried and stewed. The little boy was next, went the same way. At that time, I was living at 409 E 100 st., near -- right side. He told me so often how good Human flesh was I made up my mind to taste it. On Sunday June the 3 --1928 I called on you at 406 W 15 St. Brought you pot cheese -- strawberries. We had lunch. Grace sat in my lap and kissed me. I made up my mind to eat her. On the pretense of taking her to a party. You said Yes she could go. I took her to an empty house in Westchester I had already picked out. When we got there, I told her to remain outside. She picked wildflowers. I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them. When all was ready I went to the window and called her. Then I hid in a closet until she was in the room. When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run down the stairs. I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mamma. First I stripped her naked. How she did kick -- bite and scratch. I choked her to death, then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms. Cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her tho I could of had I wished. She died a virgin."
This was a letter from Albert Fish, an old man that looked like everyone’s favorite grandpa. He was frail and gray looking and he had this habit of clenching and unclenching his fists. He was born in 1870 and despite having family that could have taken him in, he was orphaned. He grew up, got married and raised 6 children. He was by American standards a pretty happy guy, weird but happy. Turns out his wife was a bit off too. As albert arrived home one day, he found all of his furniture missing and his wife gone, she had left him and run off with a mentally challenged man. He was distraught and had a hard time performing his day to day activities. Well, one day, the wife had fallen on hard times financially and came back to Albert holding hands with her new love. She asked Albert if they could both come and live with the family. He told her, you can, but he can’t. She agreed and sent the new love away. She moved back in, however, she did not tell Albert that she was hiding the new guy up in the attic all day sneaking him up food. Albert found out and immediately kicked both of them out never to see Mrs. Fish again.
After this Albert went off the deep end. He became fascinated with hurting himself, hiring neighborhood kids to beat him with boards with protruding nails. He would burn himself and pierce himself all over just to feel the “joy” in the pain. Albert was one weird cookie.
There are many details about this guy that I cannot reveal, they are too obscene. disgusting, and morbid to read much less think about.
This particular murder he wrote about in this letter was the thing that did him in as he used his own handwriting and stamp and details that led to his arrest. As he was arrested, he told the police that came who he was then tried to slice his arrester with a razor blade, he failed and was arrested and found with his pockets stuffed with razors and needles. He later confessed in pride and with horrible detail the hundreds of children he had raped and the dozens he had killed and eaten. He confessed of his taste for human flesh and had no shame in what he had done. He was ex-rayed and what they found were throughout his body, especially his abdomen and nether regions, he had pushed 26 rusty needles into his pelvis. Photo. He was sentenced to death by electric chair at Sing Sing prison. He said of his impending death: “Going to the electric chair will be the supreme thrill of my life.” He meant it because when it was time, he finished his last meal of steak, probably rare, and quickly walked to the chair as if he were trying to get on the next ride at Cedar Point. He even helped strap his arms down to the side. He was giddy and excited. They pulled the lever and legend has it, the needles inside of him caused a short and it took him being fried twice to die. He released some notes just before he died. Most people like to confess to things or apologize before they are executed, he gave the letters to his lawyer who said, “I will never show it to anyone," Dempsey said. "it was the most filthy string of obscenities that I have ever read.”
Here is Albert’s account of his upbringing. "My father dropped dead October 15, 1875, in the old Pennsylvania Station where President Garfield was shot, and I was placed in St. John's Orphanage in Washington. I was there till I was nearly nine, and that's where I got started wrong. We were unmercifully whipped. I saw boys doing many things they should not have done. I sang in the choir from 1880 to 1884 -- soprano, at St. John's. I came to New York. I was a good painter -- interiors or anything.”
I studied this case for the last Serial Killers and decided not to pursue more study being that the details are so sick they messed me. I had reservations about talking about what this guy did in fear of glorifying the man. Making him a joke, when he is not a joke, he is the furthest from a joke, he was ingrained with evil things, and they manifested themselves in him doing horrible and literally unspeakable things. However, the story of Albert Fish does teach us some things. All of the people we are going to hear about in this series are going to teach us some things. We will hear their stories and be grossed out and offended. We will paint them as monsters in our heads and try to make fairy tales out of them. Here is the reality though: Albert Fish was real. He was a human being that did things you could not even bear to think about. No movie has ever depicted the torture and cruelty. This was the sickest serial killer of all time bar none. In the trial, some argued you would have to be insane to do these things, Fish said he didn’t really think so. This is sin folks. Albert Fish was a sinner and the truth is, he was still loved by God.
Fish made this comment in regards to his religious reasons for doing this stuff. “Happy is he that taketh Thy little ones and dasheth their heads against the stones.” "What I did must have been right or an angel would have stopped me, just as an angel stopped Abraham in the Bible [from sacrificing his son]."
Once again we come to the question how could God let this happen and the answer is the same, He didn’t cause this, our sin caused this. The finger is always pointed at us for our sins, not why did God allow it?
Psa. 106:43 Many times he delivered them, but they were bent on rebellion and they wasted away in their sin.
We are a broken people like we have seen. This is going to be a theme this year because when we realize that we are all broken together, fear of each other’s brokenness is driven out and we begin to care about each other. We need to see that we are all messed up, maybe not in the ways that Albert Fish was, but in the same sin that caused him to go berserk and do these things, the same sin lives around us. The same sin wants you to waste away in it. The reality of living this life is that we have to deal with the curse of sin and we have to be able to admit that we sin. We cannot hold ourselves up to a guy like Albert Fish and say, well compared to this guy, I am good, great. The Bible says that all sin is the same to Him. If we broke one of His laws we broke them all. We are in this life and this battle forever.
Eph. 6:12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
My mom used to be all about spiritual warfare in that we were all fighting demons. She would routinely perform exorcisms in my room convinced that the devil had gotten a hold of me. Truth is as much as I like to think she was crazy. She was right, I had been deceived and engulfed by the evil one and it led me to want to kill myself. The same devil engulfed people like Albert Fish, and John Wayne Gacy. People that shoot up schools and set bombs in mailboxes. People that fly planes into towers and people who wreck your lives. People who leave you and people who hurt you. The same devil is behind all of this.
Make no mistake about it, evil is at work here. The evil one Satan has the desire and the motive and the means to destroy us. And as we will be looking at the next three weeks, we will see ways in which he has succeeded, but we will also be looking at the ways in which God is our Savior and protector. We will look at the delivering power of our Lord and God. It is God alone that keeps us from falling into these things or any sin that is. We need and rely on Him for help. We will be exploring this more over the next month.
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