This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 8

INT. MICAH’S SCHOOL - DAY
Micah (16-18) is changing the trash in the men’s room. He is listening to head phones. Ellis walks into the bathroom.
ELLIS
What are you doing?
MICAH
The school says my mom owes them money. She can’t pay.
ELLIS
What? They're making you clean the bathroom?
MICAH
Not just this one. I have to clean all the bathrooms, all the classroom have to be vacuumed, all the halls have to be vacuumed, everything.
ELLIS
Everyday?
MICAH
Yup.
ELLIS
That’s crap, lets get out of here.
MICAH
I can’t, I got to finish this.
ELLIS
Alright, see you at my house later?
MICAH
Yeah, tell your mom I’ll be home for dinner.
ELLIS
Alright, see you later.
MICAH
Bye.
FADE TO:
INT. MICAH’S SCHOOL - NIGHT
It is now dark outside and Micah is still cleaning the school. He is in one of the bathrooms getting ready to clean it when he stops and just stares into the urinal. He stares for several seconds in shock and amazement.
MICAH
Who craps in the urinal?
He pauses contemplating what to do next, to clean and keep his job, or leave it and get fired.
MICAH
Totally worth it.
Micah drops the garbage bag and squirt bottle where they are and walks out of the bathroom.
FADE OUT.
INT. MICAH’S CHILDHOOD ROOM - NIGHT
Micah (12) and Vern are sitting on top of Micah’s top bunk bed. Both are wearing superhero pajamas. Micah looks confident and Vern looks determined.
MICAH 12
This is the final thing you have to do to be a ninja Vern.
VERN
I won’t get hurt?
MICAH 12
Not if you really have what it takes to be a ninja you won’t. You think I would ever ask you to do anything I haven’t done myself? I didn’t kill Bruce Lee by being afraid of getting hurt.
VERN
Alright, I’m ready.
Micah gets behind Vern and takes a belt and ties Vern’s hands behind his back. He then helps Vern to get into position for the plunge. He helps Vern to lay down at the edge of the bed head first on his belly. Micah then gives Vern a push and Vern falls off the top bunk head first with his hands tied behind his back to the floor. Vern hits the floor with his head and all of his body on top of it. Everything just stops and Micah looks at Vern on the floor with his mouth gaping open in shock. Micah jumps off the bed and runs toward the door, throwing it open and screaming for his mom.
MICAH 12
Mom, mom! Vern fell off the bed and he’s bleeding.
MAXINE
Micah, what happened!
Maxine tends to Vern as the scene fades out.
FADE OUT.
EXT. CITY STREET (FALL) - DAY

Micah (19) is walking down the street toward the tracks on a cool Fall morning. Micah looks beat up and ungroomed. Micah is having a terrible hangover. What Micah sees as he walks is a child in the front yard of his house wrestling alone with a pillow with a markered on face and clothes on it. The boy drops an elbow from the porch to the grass and goes for the pin. Micah sees a man on a bike who is obviously mentally handicapped ride his bike aimlessly. The man is wearing a satin tigers jacket and a very dirty Tigers hat. He has a bag of empty pop bottles on the back of his bike.
MICAH
(Narrated) You know what is weird about the whole being watched thing is? It kinda makes me feel a little less alone. I mean don’t get me wrong it stills scares the crap out of me, but I don’t feel completely alone anymore, I guess that’s something.
Micah approaches the door of a liquor store.
FADE OUT.
INT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY
Micah walks into the liquor store to be greeted by that pretty blonde from the grocery store. Micah approaches the counter.
PRETTY BLONDE
You look like you had a rough night.
MICAH
Yeah something like that. I saw you. I mean, I saw you at the grocery store, carrying your bags.
PRETTY BLONDE
Did you help me get them to the car?
Micah looks at her feeling guilty.
MICAH
Yeah. We went out for coffee after, then you invited me to your place, but I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet.
The pretty blonde just smiles.
PRETTY BLONDE
What can I get for you?
MICAH
I’ll have a fifth of Jack.
PRETTY BLONDE
Little early isn’t it.
MICAH
It’s for later, I’m having some friends over then I’m playing a show at the Dive. 10 o’clock if you want to come check it out.
PRETTY BLONDE
We’ll see. I need to paint my nails, and resurface my floor tonight, but you never know. You got Id?
Micah grins at her with a cocky grin, expecting to see her tonight.
MICAH
No, but I’m clearly at least 50. I’ll see you tonight then.
Micah hands the girl a 20 dollar bill, which the girl slides back to him on the counter. The pretty blonde just gives a we’ll see nod at him, hands him the Jack and smiles and Micah exits the store.
CUT TO:
INT. MICAH’S BED ROOM - NIGHT
Micah (19) wakes up in the middle of the night. There is classical, but eerie music playing on the CD player next to his head. Micah is alone tonight, not even Cold is here to greet him in the night. Micah sits up on his bed and looks at the alarm clock, it says 4:01. Micah lights a cigarette and starts putting on his clothes. Tonight Micah is sober. Micah makes his way to the door, kicking beer and whiskey bottles across the room as he does. Micah exits the apartment and steps into the cold night air.
CUT TO:
EXT. MICAH’S CAR - NIGHT
Micah (19) walks to his car, gets in and pulls out of the parking lot. The streets are completely devoid of people. The street lights are blinking at every intersection as Micah rolls through them. The city is a graveyard. Micah pulls onto a quiet, dark street and parks the car in front of someone’s house and gets out. He moves to the trunk of the car and pulls out a fishing pole and a tackle box.
CUT TO:
EXT. HORSE ISLAND - NIGHT
Micah (19) is just sitting there and fishing and smoking. Micah is waiting for the sun to rise for the last time. Micah just stares into the black sky smoking cigarette after cigarette. The camera shows Cold sitting next to him.
MICAH
I wish it could be different you know. I wish I could have been born a different way, raised a different way, thought a different way. But I don’t know any other way, I don’t know what it means to be normal, so this is normal to me. This is Micah sitting here waiting to see his last sunset, waiting to be special, waiting to breathe. Waiting to like himself. Today is my last day, good morning sun, good night Detroit.
The sun is rising in the distance and it is beautiful.
COLD
It’s Ok. You can feel however you want. That is the beauty of life, no one can control how you feel, not even you. No one can touch that, you can hide it, jump through hoops and be a clown in front of everyone, but no one can touch it, it’s yours.
Micah lays his head back on the wall and just stares up into his last sunrise.
FADE OUT.
EXT. ELLIS’ TENT - NIGHT
Micah (19), Ellis, Ollie, and Jim are all lying in a tent in Ellis’ backyard. There is a flashlight on in the tent to give light to the room. None of the boys are sleeping, they are just talking and laying in the tent in between bottles and bottles of booze.
JIMMY
I will never drink anything cinnamon again. How the heck do they get all that crystal inside of the bottle.
OLLIE
The same way they get the filling inside a Twinkie, or the peanut butter inside of the Reese. They feed the filling to it. The chocolate eats the peanut butter and gets fat.
ELLIS
Shut up. Listen!
From the corner of the tent, Micah has fallen asleep and is mumbling something.
MICAH
Cover me in ashes. Cover me in ashes. Cover me in ashes. I’ll still be here.
OLLIE
What the crap is he saying.
ELLIS
Shut up Ollie.
Ellis looks concerned about Micah.
ELLIS
We should wake him up.
JIMMY
No way, lets mess with him. Micah, where are you right now.
MICAH
Outside. It’s dark.
JIMMY
Who else is there with you?
MICAH
Cold.
JIMMY
OK, but who else is with you?
ELLIS
Cold is a person, or something, I don’t know, lets wake him up.
JIMMY
Micah what is Cold doing.
MICAH
He’s digging. A big hole. Under a big tree.
JIMMY
Why?
Micah does not respond.
JIMMY
Why?
CUT TO:
EXT. A FIELD - NIGHT
Cold is digging a large hole in the ground underneath a huge willow tree. Micah is hanging from that tree from his feet upside down a few feet form a campfire. Cold continues to dig as Micah struggles to get free from the rope. Cold has no expression on his face at all and does not seem to mind the struggle. After the hole has been dug, Cold approaches Micah and stoops down to look at him in his eyes.
COLD
Do you know who you came from Micah?
Micah just stares.
COLD
You came from this.
Cold takes a handful of ash and spreads it over Micah’s face.
COLD
You came from ashes. You came from what’s left of what was here before. Just matter, just flesh. You know where I came from Micah? I came from God. I am but a bastard just like you. You need to learn not to feel it, not to feel the longing, not to feel hope. Because hope does not exist, it’s fake, there is no way out for you, and daddy isn’t coming home. When you learn not to feel, you learn true freedom. You can do anything. There will be no limitations in this world or the next to who you can be, because your free, really free, just like me. And all you have to do is get rid of this.
Cold reaches into Micah’s chest and removes his heart. Micah looks at the heart in shock. Cold stands and throws the heart into the hole in the ground and starts piling the ash on top of it.
BACK TO:
EXT. ELLIS’ TENT - NIGHT
The scene flashes back and Ellis, Ollie, and Jimmy are restraining Micah who is grasping at his chest in horrible pain. They fight him for a moment, then Micah passes out from the pain and lays silent and at peace in Ellis’ lap.
FADE OUT.
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD - DAY
Micah (7) is playing second base in the field of his T-ball game. Micah is waiting for the hitter to hit the ball to him, when internal dialogue kicks in.
MICAH 7
Come on stupid. Hit me the ball. Hit me the ball. What if I miss it in front of everyone. Crap, what if I miss? I can’t miss, I won’t miss. Come on, hit the ball you little punk. Ow (Micah grabs his abdomen). Ow! No, not now, not here. You just calm down you little turd. You just settle down now and I’ll take care of you later. Ow!
Micah falls to his knees doubled over in pain holding his abdomen. The ball is hit his way and he can only watch it roll right by him as the rest of his team grumbles and laughs at him.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE’S CAR - DAY
Micah is laying in the back of Maxine’s van holding his stomach and writhing in pain.
MICAH 7
Mommy, when are we going to be home?
MAXINE
In just a minute Micah, give me 5 minutes.
MICAH 7
Alright.
Micah starts rocking back and forth on the seat of the van, trying his very best not to wreck his baseball pants. Tears are streaming down his face.
MICAH 7
How much longer mom?
MAXINE
4 minutes.
CUT TO:
EXT. MAXINE’S HOUSE - DAY
The van pulls up and Micah jumps out right as it comes to a stop and runs to the front door as fast as he can. He twists and rattles the door knob, begging for it to be unlocked. Maxine’s walks up and unlocks the door sending Micah tearing through the hallway.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE’S HOUSE - DAY
Micah is running through the house to the bathroom, begging for his body, then God to hold him out. He gets to the bathroom door and opens it as he is wrestling with his pants belt. The belt is winning this match and at the height of his struggle, he losses his strength and losses his bowels.

MICAH 7
Come on Micah, just a minute, just a minute, God help me, make it stop!(Falling to the floor) No!
Micah just kneels there and weeps over the toilet seat for a moment.
MICAH 7
Stupid!
The scene closes when Micah throws his soiled pants into the toilet.
FADE OUT.
EXT. ELLIS’ CAR - DAY
Ellis and Micah are driving down a pretty busy street. The car is quiet except for the music. Micah is staring out the passenger seat window looking at the faces of all of the people he sees as he passes. Micah stares as if he is looking into the soul of the person his focus is on. He looks to his right and sees an old man driving alone.
FADE TO:
INT. OLD MAN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The old man is wearing his pajamas and is kneeling at the foot of his bed, looking up at the ceiling, praying to God or his understanding of God. He gets up to his feet, then sits down on his bed and looks over to the picture of his dead wife and children on the night stand. He lays down having never broken his gaze from them. He then lies there staring at the picture, then pulls the chain and the lights go out.
BACK TO:
EXT. ELLIS’ CAR - DAY
Micah still staring out the window, catches the eye of a little boy playing with a toy train in the back seat of his car. His parents are sitting in the front seat just staring ahead at the cars in front of them. The little boy looks at him and his face changes and flashes with the five year old Micah’s face. The little boy looks at Micah and smiles, then makes a funny face.
FADE TO:
INT. CHILD’S ROOM - DAY
The little boy is sitting on the floor playing with his wrestling men. One of the men is losing really bad to the other. The boy’s father throws open the door with a letter in his hands. The father is the Micah’s father as he sees him.
BOY’S FATHER
You know who this is from?
BOY
No?
BOY’S FATHER
This is from your school.
As the father says this he kicks the little boy in the ribs. This sends the little boy sliding to the base of his bed doubled over in agony. The boy tries and fails to stand to his feet. The father reaches down and slaps the little boy across the face.
BOY’S FATHER
You think we work so hard to give you a roof and clothes and an education to see you get D’s on your report card?
The boy rises to his feet looking directly at his father with tears in his eyes. The camera focuses through the boys blurry eyes looking up at his father. Then the camera focuses back and forth as the father slaps the child over and over again. The boy will not cry and he will not stay on the floor, he will stand his ground. He glances over and focuses on a yellow feather sitting on the floor next to the heat register.
FADE OUT.
INT. OLLIE’S VAN - DAY
Micah, Ellis, and Ollie, sit in Ollie’s car smoking cigarettes and talking. Micah is in the passenger seat leaning almost all the way back and staring up through the sunroof at a plane passing over the top of them. He looks at the plane as if the passengers were crazy, shakes his head, then the camera goes to Ellis who is driving Ollie’s car. Ellis is looking out the side window at a pretty girl, walking her dog down the sidewalk, he smiles with a look of acknowledgement at the beautiful girl. The camera goes to Ollie who is looking out the back window at a homeless guy lying next to some dumpsters drinking liquor. Ollie has a look of disgust on his face as if this bum was hurting him in some way.
MICAH
Ollie, are you gay?
OLLIE
What? Shut up, no!
MICAH
That’s good.
MICAH
You guys ready?
ELLIS
Yeah.
OLLIE
Let’s do it.
Both Ellis and Micah look back at Ollie with a look of shock. As they cannot believe what just came out of Ollie’s mouth.
ELLIS
Alright Ton Loc, let’s do it.
OLLIE
Shut up.
The three of them sit up straight and put on three ski masks and zip up their coats and hop out of the car then walk to the door of the convenience store.
CUT TO:
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Micah swings open the door and the three of them walk through as if they had all of the confidence in the world, accept for Ollie, who has his lips pushed out of the ski mask oddly far, looking as if he were going to kill someone. They are making a b-line for and area just beside the cash register. The clerk looks at the three of them with real caution in his eyes as he reaches under the counter. The three of them walk over to the coffee machine, their destination and begin pouring the coffee from the cappicino machine then slam them down on the counter and look directly into the clerks eyes and wait. The clerk is looking as if he saw a ghost and opens the register and puts his hands on the twenties. As he pulls out a wad of them, he is interrupted by Micah, who slams down a dollar in quarters on the counter.
MICAH
How you doing today?
CLERK 2
Ok, and you?
MICAH
Not bad, some weather we have here huh?
CLERK 2
Yeah, I thought you were coming into rob, me.
Clerk 2 quickly shows his gun that was in his hand.
ELLIS
Wow. That’s not a toy, be careful.
OLLIE
Can I hold it?
CLERK 2
No buddy, have a nice day guys.
The clerk takes the money and puts it into the cash register as the other two pay as well. Ellis quietly takes his hand and takes the loose change out of the little cup on the counter, he takes it and puts it into his pocket. After the deal has been done, Micah stares into the eyes of the clerk who stares back, still with great caution, not knowing what to say. After several moments, Micah winks at the clerk, then walks away with a grin. They leave the store and get back into Ollie’s van.
FADE OUT.

This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 7

EXT. ELLIS’S FRONT YARD - NIGHT
The three of the boys are lying down on the grass in front of Ellis’s house, looking at the stars.
MICAH
Ollie, what happened inside you when you tried to hang yourself.
OLLIE
I don’t remember that much, I was only 7. I just remember thinking it was a good idea, I wasn’t happy. Mom put me in counseling for a few years and that’s about it. Cured.
MICAH
Cured. Right.
ELLIS
Too bad you used twine, ripped up your stupid neck.
OLLIE
I don’t know, I just wanted to be somewhere else. Somewhere not here. I’m going to get in my rocket.
ELLIS
You gotta love Ollie. When we were young, we were in this department store and there were these little hand held video games that I wanted so bad, but my mom said no, right, so Ollie eggs me on and convinces me to just take them. So I did, I put them in my fanny pack, zipped it up and walked toward the door, all the while, Ollie had nothing, so I eluded the little magnetic field you have to walk through and when I got past it, they busted me. They took me back to this little room, called my mom over the loud speaker and reamed me out for stealing their stuff, all the while that little punk of a brother of mine sat there with this stupid grin as they commended him for not going along with me, and for standing his ground not to steal, and the stupid games were half for him.
MICAH
Weasel.
ELLIS
Ollie is a different kid, something really deep underlying in there, beneath the goofy façade.
MICAH
Nice vocabulary.

Ollie fires his rocket into the air as Micah and Ellis watch it fly out to the left, burn out, then fall to the ground.
ELLIS
Figures.
OLLIE
Crap!
Micah and Ellis get up, and walk over to their rockets, light the fuses and step back. Their rockets take off straight up into the air burning yellow as the camera follows their trail into the sky.
FADE TO:

INT. MICAH’S ROOM - NIGHT
The camera comes in from Micah’s (19) eyes as he is sitting on the floor next to his bed. The camera continues to zoom out as we see more and more of Micah’s body in the picture. As more of him becomes visible, we see that he is holding a gun in one hand and a bottle of booze in the other. He is staring out into a trance and we can see the suicide letter sitting next to him on the floor. The camera zooms quickly into Micah’s eyes to black.
FADE TO:
EXT. MICAH’S CAR - NIGHT
The scene fades in from black as Micah is sitting in his car. For a moment he just sits and hesitates slowly rocking back and forth in his seat. Micah is in a real trance now, seemingly preparing himself mentally for something huge. The music plays as Micah rocks back and forth quietly yet becoming more intense as the scene goes on. Micah looks down and we see the gun in his hand in his lap. Micah picks up the gun and pushes a full clip into the handle. On the seat of the passenger side, there is a cell phone, Micah picks it up and dials 911 and puts the phone up to his ear. At this all sound except for the music is cut. We see Micah mouthing something into the phone.
MICAH
(Silently) Come to Elm Street. Someone is going to die.
Micah closes the phone and drops it into his lap. He begins rocking faster and mouthing something as he does.
MICAH
(Silently) No more tears. No more tears. No more tears. No more tears. No more tears. No more tears.
Micah throws the door open and the camera changes to the outside of the car as he flings open the door and quickly steps out.
EXT. OUTSIDE JIM COURD’S HOUSE - NIGHT
He looks up into the sky to see the moon for the last time. He looks over to the neighborhood and focuses on the falling leaves of a tree for the last time. His eyes then go to the open window of the house he is walking to and he sees his father throwing his grandson up and down into the air and his wife and children laughing as they enjoy their lives. Micah takes a deep breathe without hesitation or remorse begins walking up the driveway. He gets to the door and focuses on the welcome mat on the ground below his feet, he then uses the door’s knocker to announce his arrival. He waits for a moment as he hears laughing cutting through the music as his father breaks from the grandchild to answer the door. The door opens and there is Micah and his father staring face to face for the first time looking strikingly similar. They look intently into each others eyes, Jim’s face is that of bewilderment, and fascination, and wonder. Micah’s is one of pure hate and determination. Micah’s face begins to quiver a little, his eyes wide and piercing. For a moment the silence gets awkward and Jim begins to nod a little as if he knows something is going to happen. At this nod the music cuts completely as Micah raises his gun from his side and opens fire. The only sound we hear is the sound of the clicking of the gun, no shots, no screaming, no music.
INT. JIM COURD’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Micah unloads the entire clip into the chest of his father as his family comes running and screaming from the living room to find Jim who is lying on the floor looking up with the same look of bewilderment he had the whole time, their eyes meet again and the feelings change. Jim looks deeper into Micah and realizes who it is, and with a slight grin, he nods and goes limp. Micah unlatches the clip and lets it fall to the chest of his father. He turns his attention to Jim’s family and looks at them with a slight hint of shame and slightly jealous of their love. Micah then turns around and sees the lights from the cop cars out the window. He opens the door of the house and raises his gun into the air. He walks into the street where the cops are kneeling and shouting from behind their cars. The music picks back up, but only the music. He is standing about 100 feet from the cops who are ready to fire their weapons. He looks at the family kneeling and crying over Jim Courd, then looks back at the sky. Micah mouths No more tears for the last time then raises his unloaded gun at the policemen and pulls the trigger and gets nothing but a click of empty gun. The cops open fire freely and fill Micah’s body with bullets from all over the place. Micah reels back and falls to the ground and lays down on his back looking up. The camera shoots from Micah’s eyes out to the sky where he sees two cops come walking up above him. They look down as one of the cops picks up the gun and shows the other that is was not loaded. The two cops just look down at Micah who is dying fast with regret and pain. Micah’s eyes begin to blur and a hint of red blood floods in from one eye. The scene slows down as Micah looks up and watches as one of the officers drops a yellow rose onto his chest. The camera shows the rose hit his chest, bounce once then settle. Back to Micah’s eyes we see them close and the scene fade to black.
FADE TO BLACK.
INT. PEOPLE MOVER - DAY
The camera zooms out from Micah’s eyes. Music begins and we see Micah leaning against the window of a large People Mover car, to the viewer it is obvious that he is leaving and isn’t really planning on coming back home. His suicide letter is on his lap, a pen in his hand.
MICAH
(Narrated) Maybe Lonliness is just a habit, or maybe it was like the hick-ups, I could scare it out of me, or hold my breath for a long time, that would certainly do it. But no matter how hard I tried; the beast keeps chasing me, so I embrace it. I love it. It gives me reason to hate you, to make it me against the world. It is a cruel siege that sucks the pride out of being human, and leaves you feeling invisible from life and from love.
The camera just focuses on the side of Micah’s face and the scenes of cars dashing by on the other side of a country freeway. As we drive we see people passing by Micah on the bus, each looking downcast and sorrowful. First a mother comes walking wearily past Micah holding her child who is dirty and nonresponsive. To the immediate left of Micah is a homeless man sitting on the seat with a bottle of booze in his hands, drinking and looking straight down at his lap at the bottle that he has come to know as his friend. To the front right of Micah we see a man sitting and eating dinner alone, not really paying attention to his food, just kind of eating to survive. Micah notices the solemn faces and hearts and just lays his head back down on the window.
FADE TO:
EXT. MICAH’S BACKYARD CLUBHOUSE - DAY
Micah (12), Vern, Ellis, and Ollie sit in the club house staring at each other with nervous faces. Micah holds a knife in his hands and looks at the faces of the other three boys sitting, dreading what is to come next.
MICAH 12
Alright. Its just blood right?
VERN
Come on Micah, we don’t have to do this.
Micah scowls up at Vern.
MICAH 12
Yes we do. This is everything, this means we are brothers and no one can take that from us. You die, I die first.
Micah takes the knife and runs a neat and surprisingly straight line down the front of his hand, the blood immediately comes to the surface as he sits motionless except for the slight grimace of pain on his face. He hands the knife off to Ellis.
ELLIS
I can do this. Micah man, why do you make us do this stuff, why can’t we just shake hands and call it friendship.
Ellis, without hesitation takes the knife and runs it down his hand, leaving a line of blood behind. He then hands the knife to Vern.
VERN
Brothers for life.
Vern cuts his hand with a slight moan and hands the knife to Ollie who shakes his head in disapproval.
OLLIE
I have to do it now?
Ollie takes the knife and stabs himself quickly in the hand and draws blood. He drops the knife on the floor and thrusts out his bloody hand at Micah. Micah takes his hand and grasps Ollie’s tightly as the blood of both of them drips from their hands. Micah then turns to Ellis and they all follow suit and shake each others bloody hands. After the ceremony is over, Micah takes his hand into the air and drops it onto Ollie’s face rubbing blood all over his cheek. Ollie shrieks and comes back at him with his own. Ellis and Vern get involved and soon they are wrestling in a pile on the floor smearing and throwing blood all over each other.
FADE IN:
EXT. MICAH’S BACKYARD CLUBHOUSE - NIGHT
The scene fades in and finds Micah sleeping on the floor in the silent night with Vern, Ollie, and Ellis, still smattered with dried blood, lying around him on the floor. Micah’s eyes pop open and he looks around the room at his friends sleeping, he gets up and walks out of the clubhouse into the night. He just stands there looking up at the clear night sky at the stars, he holds the stair for a few moments then whispers.
MICAH 12
Where are you? Where are you?
FADE OUT.
EXT. HORSE ISLAND - NIGHT
Micah (19) and Ollie are sitting under the bridge fishing.
OLLIE
When we caught those birds today. Do you do that kind of stuff when you are alone? I kinda get that impression. Ellis said he saw you run up to some girl at the mall and kiss her then run away.
MICAH
Yeah, I guess. Jonesing. From that movie Mr. Jones, he was a crazy man, that didn’t care what other people thought or said about him. He would do that. He would go up to some girl that he thought was hot and just kiss her in front of her boyfriend, then just run.
OLLIE
Dude that’s sweet.
MICAH
This might sound weird, but I like to live as if someone were watching me all the time, with like movie theme music and stuff. I never really feel alone, if I laugh I do as if someone is watching, if I cry, I try to look cool because someone is watching, (They look at him as if he were weird) hey man, its all I got.
OLLIE
I live to get my dads attention. I guess there isn’t anything that I want more than for him to be proud of me.
MICAH
Dude your gay.
OLLIE
When he is around, I’m happy.
MICAH
I used to be happy. When we were little, me and Vern used to run away from his house at night and stay out until morning, when his parents would notice and come running to find us. We were always in the same place, in the woods by his house, but we would stay out until daylight, then come home. I just remember the feeling I got when Vern’s mom would grab us and hug us. She was so relieved that we were standing in front of her. I remember that. Sometimes I think that I could go right back into those woods for weeks and no one would come looking.
Micah lays his head back onto the wall.
FADE TO:
EXT. HORSE ISLAND - DAY
Ollie wakes up first in the early morning, he is cold and wet from the morning dew. He sits up and looks around at the morning sky, it is beautiful. He pushes Micah to wake him. Micah sits up and looks with Ollie at the beautiful sky that seems to be shining at them.
MICAH
We going to work today?
OLLIE
I think I could staying here all day.
MICAH
Me too.
OLLIE
Does my breath stink?
Ollie leans over to a repulsed Micah.
MICAH
You could repaint this wall man.
OLLIE
I gotta go, the old lady’s gonna wonder where I went all night. You gonna be with Cam later?
MICAH
No, we broke up.
OLLIE
Really? Why?
MICAH
I don’t know, it took her getting pregnant for us to realize we didn’t really like each other.
OLLIE
What are you going to do?
MICAH
Be a good dad, no kid needs to see their parents fighting all the time, so this way we can give the baby the best of both of us.
OLLIE
Yeah... well I gotta go, you leavin?
MICAH
No I think I’ll just hang out here for a while.
OLLIE
Alright, see at home later then.
MICAH
Yeah.
Ollie walks off leaving Micah there by himself. Once Ollie is gone, Micah pulls out a marker and begins carving into the wall behind him. He carves the words, People On Crosses.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE’S CAR - DAY
In the car is Mathew, Micah (12), and Maxine.
MICAH
Do we have to go see grandpa?
MAXINE
You know your grandfather is looking forward to seeing you.
MICAH
He is not, I have never even talked to him, he doesn’t even send me Christmas presents.
MAXINE
That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
MICAH
He sends them to Mathew.
MATHEW
That’s because mom married my dad.
MAXINE
No, that isn’t why Mathew. Micah, just don’t give me a hard time this weekend OK. Its only one weekend and you will do just fine.
Micah just looks at his mom.
CUT TO:
INT. EDWARDS KITCHEN - NIGHT
Micah’s grandfather is setting the table for dinner as his wife gets the food ready for the meal. On the wall of the kitchen is a picture of Grandpa with a priest suit on.
GRANDPA’S WIFE
Dinners ready, did you boy’s wash up?
MATHEW
Yes Grandma.
The family sits down to eat dinner but as everyone takes there seats, Ed directs everyone to his preassigned seats and everyone finds a place at the table but Micah.
GRANDPA’S WIFE
Ed, you forgot to set Micah a seat.
ED
I didn’t forget anything.
Ed’s wife sets one more place at the table.
ED
So Maxine, how are things going with the church?
MAXINE
Oh just great. I have been asked to sing at the regional camp meeting next month. The skits have been going great as well.
GRANDPA’S WIFE
Well that is just great, but how do you have the time for all of that.
MAXINE
Oh my boy’s come with me.
GRANDPA’S WIFE
Do you think that they are happy with going to all of those places with you all the time?
MAXINE
Well, I’m not sure, but I can’t afford a baby sitter and the Lord’s work must be done now doesn’t it. I bought them a camper to play in.
ED
Now who’s fault is that? If you wouldn’t have spread your legs to everyone then you wouldn’t have this bastard over here to worry about. It’s bad enough you had him, but no you just had to keep him. (He chuckles)
Micah looks at his mother who is visibly appalled at the comments from her father.
MAXINE
Dad this is the last time you will see me and my boys.
Maxine gathers the boys and grabs her things and they leave.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE’S CAR - NIGHT
MICAH 12
Mom?
MAXINE
I’m sorry sweetie. You don’t have to see them anymore.
She does not face Micah, but wipes away some tears while pretending to fix her hair, not letting Micah in on her pain.
FADE OUT.
INT. ELLIS AND OLLIE’S HOUSE (BATHROOM) - DAY
The camera zooms in from the hallway into the bathroom that has the door half open. As the camera approaches, we hear Ollie writhing in pain.
OLLIE
Oh! Come on! Oh my God, help me! Ah!
The screaming becomes louder and more intense as the camera shows Ollie standing in front of the toilet trying to urinate. Ollie continues screaming until he sees a couple of drops of blood fall into the toilet. Ollie begins to panic.
OLLIE
Ellis! Ellis!
Ollie concentrates on urinating and more and more blood comes pouring out. He writhes and moans as the blood begins to flow freely. Ellis comes to the door.
ELLIS
What Ollie?
OLLIE
Something is wrong with me, look!
ELLIS
I’m not looking at your wiener man.
OLLIE
Ellis, shut up and look. Something’s wrong with me. I think I have a disease or something.
Ollie moans louder as a large stone drops into the toilet.
OLLIE
Did you see that?
ELLIS
Yeah, what the hell is it?
OLLIE
I don’t know, take me to the hospital.
CUT TO:
INT. ELLIS AND OLLIE’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Ollie, Ellis, and Micah (19) are sitting in the living room of Ellis’ parents house. They look in horror as Ollie explains to them that the problem was a kidney stone.
OLLIE
The doctor said that the stones were too big to pass. I was lucky to not have the one lodged in there as it is. They said that there are more. They have to put a stint inside of my penis and run it up to my kidneys.
The two listeners begin to writhe in their seats as they listen.
OLLIE
Then they have to hook me up to some electric shock machine and shock me while something punches me in the kidneys.
MICAH
What will happen if you just leave them?
OLLIE
I’ll die in a couple of years.
ELLIS
How are you going to pay for all of this stuff.
OLLIE
I don’t know.
ELLIS
The procedure seems pretty easy to me, why don’t we try to do it ourselves. They already put the stint in?
OLLIE
Yeah.
OLLIE
Ollie, you down?
OLLIE
We can try.
Micah and Ellis look at each other as this is an opportunity for a lot of fun.
CUT TO:
INT. ELLIS’S ROOM
Micah, Ellis, and Ollie are in Ellis’ room. Ollie is lying on the floor with his hand dipped into a deep well tray of water.
OLLIE
You guys know what you are doing, right?
ELLIS
Yeah, I looked it up online.
OLLIE
What site?
ELLIS
Don’t worry about it, it knows everything.
ELLIS
Micah you got the battery?
MICAH
Yeah, Hang on!
Micah enters the room with a large car battery in his hands and some wire and sets it down next to Ollie, who is lying on his back. Micah strings the wire around, both the positive and negative posts on the battery and dips the other end into the water. Ollie takes his hand out just before the wire touches the water.
ELLIS
Ollie, put your hand in the water.
OLLIE
No man.
ELLIS
Ollie, it won’t hurt, it will just feel weird for a minute, like you can’t move, but it doesn’t hurt.
Ollie looks at Ellis with uncertainty and plops his hand down into the water. The shock hurts, definitely and Ollie begins to yelp, not scream because he can’t. Micah and Ellis look at each other and nod, then begin punching Ollie in the kidneys.
FADE IN:
INT. THE BACK OF A UHAUL - NIGHT
Micah (19) and Ollie are in the back of a Uhaul truck. Micah is buckling himself and strapping himself onto the side of the truck wall with a strap. Ollie is standing in the middle of the truck bed wearing a football helmet.
MICAH
Alright Ollie. I think this will work. Now just remember to let your body hit the walls, and not your hands and arms.
OLLIE
Man! Alright go.
Micah knocks on the wall of the Uhaul to tell Ellis they are ready.
MICAH
Lets go.
The truck starts very quickly and Ollie is thrown running into the back door of the Uhaul slamming into it with his body and not his hands. The truck levels off and Ollie gets his balance just in time for Ellis to hit the brakes and send Ollie running very fast across the truck slamming him into the front wall of the truck. This blast is very hard and Ollie yells, then crumbles to the ground in pain. The truck speeds off immediately and Ollie is sent rolling on the floor toward the back door again. The camera changes to the side of the Uhaul and shows the truck speeding up and slowing down approaching a very large hill.
FADE IN:
INT. ELLIS PARENTS HOUSE - NIGHT
The scene fades as we see Ollie lying in his room with his body broken in casts.
FADE TO BLACK.

This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 6

EXT. IN MICAH’S CAR - DAY
The camera comes into the car from the back window He looks up to see a man staring in on him through his back window. The music starts here. Micah sits up and stretches and rubs his eyes, and straightens his clothes. He opens the door and falls out into the world. He gets up and the scene is in black and white, as he walks down the little park street to the main street. What he sees when he gets to the main street and the scene changes to color is a very busy street with a lot of commotion, of the people doing their daily business. Micah starts walking, the camera shows Cold walking right behind him. As he walks he sees all of the people going about their business with there own versions of Cold walking with them, effecting them, touching them. To the right he sees two cars in the road that had an accident. The two drivers are out of their cars arguing casually. One of the men had their own version of Cold standing behind him. He puts his hand on the driver and he is sent into rage and begins attacking the other driver. Micah looks to his right and just focuses on all of the people walking past him with all of the Colds following right behind. All doing different things. One woman is talking on the phone and crying, one man is sitting on the curb, homeless, playing guitar with his Cold sitting, facing him on the ground. Micah does not respond, he just looks back and expectantly sees Cold following him. He continues walking and sees a little boy riding his bike with a sad look on his face and his backpack strapped on. His Cold is riding on the pegs on the boys bike. They pass with no expression from Micah, Micah is a stone. Standing in the middle of the street is a drunk, homeless man staggering around in the middle of the street waiving a cane around shouting indecipherable words at no one. This man has several Colds standing with him silently. Micah passes closely by and as he does, the homeless drunk locks eyes with him. In a very faint, weary voice, the man whispers.
HOMELESS DRUNK
Help Me.
Micah passes by not sharing a moment with this man. Micah reaches his destination, and opens the door and walks in.
CUT TO:
INT. SCHOOL - DAY
Micah (age 7) walks through the double doors of the school building. He takes his time walking down the hallway, almost as if he dreads every step he is taking. He is wearing a red coat and a back pack tightly secured around his back. He wears a knitted stocking snow hat on his head and moon boots. The camera starts on him from close up and pans back until it is quite far away from him. Micah turns the corner of the hall way and the camera picks back up on him from the back, still far away, then zooms quickly on him as he walks through the door of the school office. The secretary looks at him with disgust and points at the chair in front of the desk. Micah waits a couple minutes, and during that time, he pulls out a pad of paper and a pen and begins writing. After a minute or two the camera shows the paper. Micah is taking the initiative and has begun his expected sentences. The paper reads. I will not throw snow. I will not cut in line. I will not say bad words. I will not slash tires. The principle walks into the room.
PRINCIPLE
Come on in Micah.
Micah walks with the principle through the doors that lead to his office.
PRINCIPLE
Come on in, sit down.
They both sit.
PRINCIPLE
This is the ninth time you have been late for school, Micah. Do you remember what I said we had to do if you were late again?
Micah speaks, but does not lift his head.
MICAH 7
Yes.
PRINCIPLE
I have to suspend you from the school for a week. I have told you that there is no excuse for being tardy. When you are late, you waste my time and your teachers time, and believe me, their time is far more valuable than that of a seven year old. Now I have to call your dad to pick you up. There is a very good reason that we have that little bell out there that rings when it’s time to start learning.
Micah shoots a slightly defiant look at the principle, yet he is still sad. He answers in a whisper.
MICAH 7
I don’t have a dad.
PRINCIPLE
Of course you have a dad, or you wouldn’t be here. You would do well young man to watch your mouth. I’ve been the principle here now for 20 years and I have seen kids like you, you think you know everything, you think that the adults...don’t understand your snide little remarks. But let me tell you something, we do, we all do. So in my presence you will watch that mouth of yours.
Micah looks down and puckers out his lips and stares down at them in defiance. The principle does not see because he is looking for Micah’s fathers work number in his file. He looks down and the camera goes with him to the page in front of him.He looks into the file for a moment then looks up at Micah who is sitting quietly staring at his boots. He then looks back down at the file and begins dialing.
PRINCIPLE
Ms. McBain, Ms. Maxine McBain?
MAXINE
Yeah. Hang on a second.
There is the sound of at least a thousand kids screaming in the background.
PRINCIPLE
Micah, can she come and pick you up?
MICAH 7
Nope.
PRINCIPLE
Why not?
MICAH 7
She runs a day care.
PRINCIPLE
Right.
The principle just hangs up the phone and sighs. He starts righting on a pink slip and hands it to Micah.
PRINCIPLE
Micah, you start walking home now. I will see you again, on time, in a week. You tell your mother to call me when you get home.
Micah gets up, and takes his time walking out of the office.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET ON THE WAY HOME - DAY
Micah exits the building and starts walking to the right and stands in front of a window where he has friends looking outside at him. He smiles at the kids and turns around and gives them a full moon. He takes off.
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET ON THE WAY HOME - DAY
Micah is walking down the snow covered street with a pink slip in his hand. The streets are silent, it is the middle of the day and he has no intention of going home.
CUT TO:
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - DAY
Micah (12) walks onto the school yard and in the distance he sees a crowd of kids yelling and screaming at the center of the pile. Micah speeds up his pace and looks closer into the pile until he can make out the figure lying bloody in the center. It is his brother Mathew. There is a kid standing over him violently taunting him holding a skateboard that he has obviously used to hit Mathew. Micah runs up and picks up an aluminum baseball bat off the ground, pushes through the pile and takes a swing at the bully. The bat is a direct hit to his head and his body crumbles to the ground, knocked out. The crowd just stands there silent and shocked as Micah helps his brother to his feet and begins walking off the playground home.
FADE OUT.
INT. MUSIC HALL - NIGHT
Micah and his band are on stage performing their set. The crowd is large and hyped up as the band plays. Micah glances into the crowd to see that pretty blonde from the grocery store again, he stares for a moment as she smiles at him, then glances away to something else. Micah is doing fine for now, he is excited and playing his heart out. He lifts his head to look into the audience, we do not get to see what he saw, but what he saw catches his eye, his gaze. The music plays on for a minute as he stares, he is becoming downcast. The music begins to blur as he has missed all of his queues. The rest of the band are looking at him in bewilderment, wondering what is going on. The music blurs more and more until it is undecipherable. Micah remains hypnotized. Micah’s face becomes pale, and sad. He drops the microphone and begins his walk off stage and out of the bar.
CUT TO:
EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
Micah throws the door open and walks out of the bar onto the dark streets. He is walking feverishly picking up pace quickly. The night is dark, the wind is blowing through him as he quickens his steps. His walk becomes a jog, then a run as the scene intensifies. Ellis is behind him but not chasing him.
ELLIS
Micah! Micah!
He walks back into the bar to play the rest of the set without Micah. Micah runs past some people on their way to the bar slamming into one of them as he passes. He keeps running until he reaches his back door, he opens the door and runs up the stairs leaving the door open. He runs up the stairs and through the hallway to the door of his flat. He opens the door, that is unlocked and runs to his bedroom.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MICAH’S BED ROOM - NIGHT
Micah is sitting on the bed that is surrounded by alcohol bottles and beer cans. Their are more paintings in the room to focus on. In the cage, the iguana is dead. He sits writing on a notebook, the final entry in his suicide journal. The camera focuses on the journal as he writes, he is writing over the entry before for a half a page to the clean paper, he is too drunk to see. He writes: “Cover me in ashes and abandon me in the cold, I’ll still be here I’ll still exist. This is it. This is my suicide letter.” Micah sets the pen and paper down on the bed and starts walking out of the flat, down the stairs, and out the door to the street.
FADE OUT.
INT. SCHOOL CHAPEL - DAY
The chapel is a quarter full of people. Micah is sitting next to Ellis in the middle of the row about halfway back from the alter. The students are in dress clothes and dresses with ties. They are listening as the preacher preaches.
CHAPEL PREACHER
When he had received the drink, Jesus said, "It is finished." With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit. Jesus said, it is finished, the debt was paid, the war is over. What does that mean for us? It means that we have been offered eternal life, if we just accept it. Jesus did all of the work for us on that cross that Friday night. It means that He loved us so much that He gave us His life to save ours, a perfect life, full of laughter, full of love: He gave it for us, filthy beggars, full of hatred and stuck chained down in the dark. All we have to do is accept this gift, come to the alter and ask God into your life and to forgive you of your sins.
The church praise band begins playing softly.
CHAPEL PREACHER
Come. Come.
Most of the room begins getting up and walking down to the alter. The seats begin to thin out around Micah, but Micah isn’t moving and neither is Ellis. Ollie is going up. They sit sterile staring at all of the people, some crying walking and bowing down in front of the alter as the music plays on and on. After the alter rush has finished and the preacher is praying with the students, a teacher comes over to Micah and sits down next to him.
TEACHER
Micah, don’t you want to meet Jesus?
MICAH
No thanks.
TEACHER
I watch you everyday, come to school, act tough, get in trouble, and lead others into it. God wants you Micah. You can make a real difference for God if you would just let Him have control. You are a natural leader, so many people follow you. You have no idea the lives you could change if you would just let God have control. Do you even know what it means to let God have control of you.
MICAH
I have a pretty good idea.
TEACHER
How do you see it Micah? Do you even believe in God?
MICAH
Oh I believe in God. I see that everything that God has had control over in my life is crap. From my family to this school.
TEACHER
Micah, watch your mouth in the chapel. Could it be that everything you think God has done to you is your own fault, that maybe, just maybe you haven’t given God control?
MICAH
Sure, if being born into this world with no father, a poor mother, and no way to help the world pissing all over you is my fault.
TEACHER
I know you are suffering Micah. But there is no suffering that Jesus couldn’t heal. No holes He couldn’t fill. I can see an emptiness in you, I think you can feel it to, but it doesn’t have to be this way, you don’t have to feel this way. There is another way to live, to feel, to act that doesn’t require you feeling as though everyone is trying to take something out of you.
MICAH
What do you know about suffering? What do you know about my life or what it is to be me everyday, to walk in skin that isn’t your own, to think with a brain that has no direction, to make decisions based on things that you cannot see, but I do. Do you know what it means to be alone? I don’t think you do because you are never alone as long as you hold on the your belief that God actually cares about you, and in that I envy you, but it’s not the same for me. I don’t belong to anyone, not even myself, I am dust, I am forgotten, I am alone, and there is no faith that can heal that, no God that will feel that, No part of me that isn’t ugly, but that is not my fault.
Micah glances up to the alter as the students are crying as is Ollie and the preacher is laying his hands on the students and they are hugging each other and praying.
MICAH
I want nothing to do with that.
TEACHER
Do you know the consequences of your decision if it were to last until your death? Fire.
MICAH
Hell.
TEACHER
You don’t care? I am speaking to you about eternity, which is a lot longer than what you have seen here. You can sit here and tell me you don’t care, I don’t believe that.
MICAH
Just another day. I was born into it. The absence of God. I am more comfortable without Him anyway. Look at what He has done, the murder, the blood, that isn’t heaven, or happiness, it’s foolish.
TEACHER
The pain?
MICAH
I am numb.
TEACHER
Looks like you have made up your mind then. After chapel, I want you to go to the principles office, we are going to have to suspend you for a couple of days for your language in the chapel and talk about whether or not your presence in this school is good for the school.
Micah nods and the teacher gets up and walks up to the alter to pray for some of the students.
CUT TO:
INT. ELLIS’S ROOM - NIGHT
The scene starts with Micah’s hand writing in his suicide letter and fades through to Ellis’ Room. Micah (19), Ellis, and Ollie are sitting on the floor in Ellis’s room covered in toilet paper, and paper towel. They are building rockets made out of household items. As Ellis and Ollie work silently on their rockets,
MICAH
What you see isn’t always what is there.
The camera flashes cold in the back of the room and he instantly vanishes without Ellis and Ollie knowing.
MICAH
Your never really alone, even if it feels that way. I remember when I was young, lying in bed wrapped up in a sleeping bag, making shapes and faces out of the sponge painted walls in front of me. I had drifted off to sleep while my mother and some friends were in the living room talking.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MICAH’S CHILDHOOD ROOM - NIGHT
Micah (age 5-7) is lying on the bed facing the wall wearing Superman pajamas, tracing out the faces on the sponge paint with his finger, slowly running his finger up and down, feeling the texture of the paint. His eyes begin to feel heavy as they slowly close. As he falls asleep a man comes walking down the hallway toward the bathroom. As he passes he looks into Micah’s bedroom, looks back at the living room, where they are still talking, and walks into Micah’s room toward him. His face flashes from Cold’s to his own several times like lightning. He walks over to Micah’s bed and zips up the sleeping bag over Micah’s head and holds him down with his hand over where Micah’s mouth would be if he could see his mouth. Micah struggles and moans as he is trying to get free. The man’s face changes again over and over as Micah struggles. The camera shows Micah struggling in hysterics inside the sleeping bag, trying to get free. The tension breaks from Micah and the bag becomes loose. Micah puts his hand through a small hole in the zipper and tears his way free. He throws the bag off of him and looks around in the dark, trying to focus his eyes to see Cold standing at the door for a moment, then he walks out. Micah jumps down from his bunk bed and hurries to the wall across the room and turns the night light on. He looks around the room and sees nothing, so he peaks his head around the corner, to the right is the living room with the lights on and commotion from dialogue coming from it, and to the left is a dark hallway with Cold standing there, then vanishes. Micah turns left toward the dark hallway to the back door, that is standing wide open.
CUT TO:
EXT. MICAH’S BACK YARD - NIGHT
Micah walks through the door to the back yard and walks across the grass to the gate where a cloud of yellow vapor rises to his face, Micah steps back from the stench, then moves forward out the front gate to the sidewalk. He hears a voice but sees no one to his right.
COLD
You can fly Micah. Everything you have ever known is wrong.
CUT TO:
EXT. OVERPASS BRIDGE - NIGHT
Micah is standing on the overpass hanging over the freeway.
COLD
Fly away Micah.
Micah grabs on to the railing and looks over, he sees cars flying around under him in the night. He looks reserved about jumping.
COLD
You will be alright. You aren’t like other kids, you are special. You can fly. You really can. Trust me.
Micah climbs up onto the railing of the over pass and looks down again. He steps back down to the ground and is shaking with fear.
MICAH 7
I can’t.
COLD
Oh, but you can. Your just like me.
Micah stands there shaking, and begins to cry, then weep and crumbles to the ground in fear. He looks up after a moment and sees Cold in a Superman suit walking backwards away from him chuckling.
BACK TO:

This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 5

INT. MICAH’S BED ROOM - NIGHT
The scene fades in to Micah sitting in a corner in his room with an almost empty bottle of Captain Morgan in his hands. The Iguana is milling around the room. The floor is hidden by the mess of clothes and garbage. The camera pans through the room and shows all of the paintings of poetry, and eyes, and pictures all over the place. The camera stops at Cold who is sitting in the other corner looking back at Micah who is staring at him.
MICAH
What’s next?
COLD
You die.
Micah just nods and smirks.
COLD
Do you really want this? Living your life in garbage, dreaming dreams that mean nothing to you? Sitting here in your own pile of pain and piss, just waiting for morning to come so you can sleep? This isn’t going to stop you know. The dreams, me, we aren’t going away.
MICAH
Wh....
COLD
Why? You know why don’t you? Yeah, you have always known can’t you see that Micah? Your an abortion, you just haven’t died yet. Your completely colorless. Mommy never wanted you did she, not after he left. Who can you turn to, God? That’s a joke now isn’t it?
MICAH
You?
COLD
(chuckles) I don’t want you either. I am a just a collector of broken parts. Someone has to clean up the mess you leave as you pass through.
MICAH
I hate you.
COLD
Yeah you do. Almost as much as you hate yourself, but not quite. Your merely dust Micah, and the wind is blowing. Here you are lying in a corner because there is a lion in the streets. But where can you hide in here? In here it is just you and me, that’s our bond, that belongs to us, and no one can ever take that from us. You need me. You rely on me to keep your eyes from all of the pain you don’t want to admit you feel. I am the rainman. Cover me in ashes and abandon me in the cold, I...
MICAH
I’ll still be here, I’ll still exist.
COLD
Yes you will won’t you?
MICAH
Go away.
COLD
Ok, I’ll leave, but sooner or later you will realize how much you need me. And you will try very hard to make sense of your filth, but you never will because you can’t admit that you are the filth in a rather pretty world. So you sleep, and I will see you tomorrow.
Cold brushes Micah’s hair from his eyes before he leaves.
COLD
Wake up Micah.
Micah lays his head back and falls asleep.
FADE OUT.
INT. RECORD STORE - DAY
Micah (19) and Ellis are in the store, attempting to steal some CDs. The are doing so by taking a small knife and cutting off the wrapper and plastic around the CD, then stuffing them in their pockets. Micah watches as a store clerk is getting suspicious of Ellis.
MICAH
Ellis. (Whispering) Ellis.
STORE WORKER
Hey kid! Kid!
Ellis looks over and as he does, Micah shoves all of the cds he has stolen back into the rack. Ellis walks gingerly over to the clerk who is knowingly looking at him.
STORE WORKER
I don’t work for this company, we are just hired help, but I have to call the police when we see someone like yourself robbing us right in front of my eyes. You have about 5 minutes after I call them to be invisible, so I suggest you go.
Ellis puts the cds in the man’s hand and takes off running out of the store. Micah come walking along behind him to the door, but stops at the clerk for a moment.
MICAH
How you doing?
STORE WORKER
Can’t complain.
MICAH
You catch that punk? I saw him taking crap, I was about to tell you.
STORE WORKER
He’ll get caught, they always do, thanks for coming to Spin Doctor, have a nice day.
MICAH
You too.
Micah exits the store and walks down the hallway toward the door. As he does there are three men in suits with manager name tags scurrying past him towards the music department. Micah grins as they run right past him. Micah exits the store and looks for Ellis who is no where to be found in the parking lot. Micah walks over to the large van that they came in and gets in the passenger seats and looks around out all of the windows. He hears a noise from inside the car.
ELLIS
Hey (whispering), hey!
Micah turns and looks to see Ellis lying oblong under all of the seats on the floor of the van. He laughs.
ELLIS
They gone?
MICAH
Yeah. Lets get out of here.
Ellis gets up and they pull out of the parking lot.
ELLIS
Holy crap, I thought I was hit. That little man warned me though.
MICAH
Yeah Guido’s a goodguy. What now?
ELLIS
Wanna go try it again at another store? I think I know a better way.
MICAH
Yeah.
CUT TO:
INT. ANOTHER RECORD STORE - DAY
Micah and Ellis are in the aisle of the other Record Store this time with their jackets over their hands. They are picking up items and putting them under their jackets in their hands. Micah picks up a CD and slides it under his jacket with the many cds that are there. The camera shows under the jacket as he takes the knife and cuts open the wrapper that holds the CD and pulls out the tube and places it into the pocket of his jacket. He then takes the empty wrapping and places it back onto the shelf. He trades glances with Ellis who is still in the CD department doing the same with his jacket. As they begin to leave Micah walks through the check out and purchases a pack of gum. As they walk out, Micah turns to Ellis.
MICAH
We did it!
ELLIS
Shut up not yet.
He looks forward to the door and sees two large men walking toward them. Their pace quickens and so do the mens, but Micah and Ellis are faster. They get to the door and the two men ask for them to hang on a minute. Micah begins to bolt but looks first to Ellis with a look as though they could easily beat these guys. Ellis is a deer caught in the headlights, he cannot and will not move.
MICAH
Ellis! Come on!
Ellis does not move an inch. He is frozen as the two men grab him and put his hands behind his back. Micah looks one more time at Ellis with the thought to run, but cannot leave his friend behind, so he walks over to the men and turns around for them to cuff him.
FADE TO:
INT. JAIL - DAY
The scene fades in as Micah is lying on the bed of one cell and Ellis in the one next to him. The cells are bare of anything including mattresses. The two lay there on stone beds looking back at one another through stone walls.
MICAH
Ellis, you all right?
ELLIS
Ain’t no jail cell big enough to hold me.
Micah laughs.
ELLIS
Who you gonna call?
MICAH
My dad. Imagine that call. Dad, I know we’ve never met, but I assure you I’m a good kid. My name as you probably know is Micah, and could you come and bail me out of jail?
A role of toilet paper come rolling across the floor in font of Micah’s cell. Time passes by and Micah sits awake on the stone bed as he listens to Ellis snore. He begins to beat a corresponding beat to Ellis’ snore on his lap as the guards open the door to Ellis’ cell.
JAIL GUARD
Ellis! Your mommies here.
The camera stays on Micah as he listens to the cell next to him.
ELLIS
Can I just stay here Mr. Occifer? I don’t think I want to see my mom right now, just tell her to come back.
JAIL GUARD
Nope, she paid, so we don’t have to feed you.
Ellis moves out from the cell, the camera still on Micah. Ellis looks around the corner into Micah’s cell.
ELLIS
I’m gonna talk to my mom and get you out of here, don’t worry.
MICAH
See you on the other side.
Ellis leaves and Micah is all alone. The day has turned to night and the cell door opens and Micah sits up.
JAIL GUARD
Dinner time. I know this tastes like crap, but you are a big boy now so you face big boy consequences.
Micah throws the guard a dirty look and rips the plate from the guard. More time elapses showing Micah pacing the cell, and sitting, laying, and even standing on the stone bed. After a minute or so of that the cell opens and Micah exits.
MICAH
I’ll see you soon.
FADE OUT.
INT. MICAH’S HOUSE - DAY
Micah is in the hallway of his house pacing back and forth down the hall way by the bathroom.
MICAH
Come on Cam!
CAMERON
Hang on it takes three minutes.
Micah continues pacing the floor for a minute or two, until the door opens and Cameron walks out holding a pregnancy test. Cameron looks happy, Micah looks scared.
MICAH
Well?
Cameron shows Micah the test that reads positive. She is happy and jumps up and down and hugs Micah. Micah is not enthused. The camera zooms into Micah’s frightened eyes.
CAMERON
I can’t wait to tell my sister.
MICAH
What about your mom?
CAMERON
She can wait till I start to show. What about yours?
MICAH
Might as well tell her now, the sooner she kicks me out the better. I can save the rent money.
CAMERON
(Still embracing Micah)I’m just so excited.
Cameron lifts up her shirt to expose her stomach and looks at it.
CAMERON
You are going to be one cute kid.
MICAH
(Squatting to face Camerons stomach) I am going to give you everything.
Micah stands back up and Cameron kisses him three times fast.

FADE TO:
EXT. IN THE TRUCK - NIGHT
The scene opens with a BB gun pointed at a car window. The trigger is pulled and the window is shattered. Micah is driving, Ellis is in the passenger seat and Ollie is in the back seat of the truck. Ellis throws the gun back at Ollie as Micah hits the gas and stalls the truck. He restarts it and they are off laughing.
ELLIS
You see that.
OLLIE
That was awesome. Lets do it again.
ELLIS
Nice driving Micah.
MICAH
Shut up.
ELLIS
Go to store, I need more cigarettes.
CUT TO:
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
The car is pulling into the parking lot. There are a lot of cars milling around the lot, and it is very well lit. Micah’s truck pulls behind another car moving slowly waiting for another car to leave so they can have their parking spot. As the car rolls slowly, Micah’s eyes fix on the eyes of a pretty blonde walking with her hands full of groceries.
ELLIS
Dude, what did your mom do when she found out your gonna be a daddy?
MICAH
She didn’t do anything, she wouldn’t even look at me.
ELLIS
I would give my mom the cry for help speech. I wanted to get caught mom, because you don’t pay any attention to me, all you care about is Ollie.
OLLIE
That’s true.
ELLIS
She would buy it. Wouldn’t even get grounded. She would even cry.
MICAH
I don’t care what my mom thinks about me anymore. Squash it.
Micah and Ellis are startled as the hear a pop and glass breaking. They turn to look at Ollie and see him sitting there with the gun pointed out the window.
ELLIS
Ollie! You idiot!
FADE TO:
EXT. IN THE TRUCK - NIGHT
OLLIE
You guys think anyone saw?
MICAH
(Shaking his head) Stupid.
Lights come up from behind them as Micah looks to the rear view. It is a cop. He turns on his lights.
MICAH
We’re hit. Ollie, hide the gun.
Ellis puts on his seat belt.
ELLIS
They might not know, it just happened.
MICAH
They know.
Micah pulls over to the side of the road and puts his wallet in his hand and rests them on top of the steering wheel. The cops come up from both sides with their guns drawn.
COP
Get out of the car all of you!
Micah and Ellis get out and Ollie stumbles on the seat belt and falls, only to see a flashlight in his face when he looks up.
MICAH
There a problem sir?
COP
Shut up, get on the ground on your face.
Micah gets down and the cops frisk the three of them and cuff them leaving them lying on the ground side by side. One of the cops moves over to the truck and begins searching it. After a minute or so, he pulls out a BB gun.
COP 2
Got it.
Micah throws a glance at Ollie who is looking at him. I put it under an apron, who would look there?
ELLIS
Ollie!
CUT TO:
INT. JAIL - NIGHT
Micah sits in the jail cell.
FADE OUT.

This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 4

EXT. HORSE ISLAND - NIGHT
The camera pans from the water that has the moon shining down on it in a pale yellow color to Micah, Ellis, and Oliver who are sitting under a bridge on a stone ledge fishing, Micah has caught one small one and is taking it off the hook and having trouble with it as it flips around.
ELLIS TRENTON
OK, top five coolest things to do with a fish when we catch one.
MICAH
Number 5, hide it under Ollie’s car seat. Number 4, punch it and give it the finger, Number 3, teach it to fish, then punch it, Number 2, pierce its lip and put it in a tank and name it Papagoergio, and Number one, lets see, throw it back.
Micah throws the fish back into the water and it swims away harmlessly.
OLLIE
Pulling a fish of his own out of the water
I got you, you little jerk.
Ollie begins reeling in and takes the fish off the hook and puts it onto the ground next to them.
OLLIE

Let you see how it is to breathe human air, you idiot.
ELLIS
Ollie, what about you, top five.
OLLIE
Micah and Ellis look at each other in disbelief that Ollie is so sick.
OLLIE
I don’t know about 3,4,and 5, but two, burn off it’s scales. One, burn it’s eyes out with a cigarette lighter.
ELLIS
Ollie there is something extremely wrong with you.
Ellis punches Ollie as Ollie gets up with his fish and climbs back over the wall.
ELLIS
OK, number 5, stuff it and wear it around my neck. Number 4, use it as the ball in fishball. Three, Give it away as a Christmas present to my mom. Two, put it in the drop box of a video store.
OLLIE
Dude, stop flippin around. Ellis, Micah, come here you’ve gotta to see this.
Ellis and Micah jump up from the ledge and look over the side. What they see is Ollie standing over a badly burned fish with no eyes and filled with coffee just spewing out of its mouth, smoking a cigarette.
ELLIS
Dude! Throw it back. You’re sick.
Ollie picks up the fish and throws it back into the water and it just floats on it’s side out of the camera view. Ollie hops back over the wall and sits.
ELLIS
Micah, I’ve been meaning to ask you, what happened the other day?
MICAH
I choked, worst game of my life.
ELLIS
You know what I am talking about.
MICAH
Not real sure, I just wasn’t feeling very good.
ELLIS
You weren’t feeling good, are you serious, you were on the ground screaming and staring at the wall like it was going kill you. Don’t tell me you just weren’t feeling good. What’s up?
MICAH
I really don’t know, I’m still trying to work this all out. Its like I feel a certain way all the time, and I think it has gone to the next level.
ELLIS
What do you mean the next level?
MICAH
I don’t know. I tell you now you tell no one. You got it?
ELLIS
I got it.
MICAH
Ollie?
OLLIE
Got what? I already forgot.
MICAH
I see someone.
ELLIS
What are you talking about, you see who?
MICAH
Just forget it, it doesn’t matter. No sane person would ever believe me anyway.
ELLIS
I wouldn’t be what anyone would ever call sane. And Ollie, just look at him, he tried to hang himself with a piece of Christmas tree twine.
MICAH
Alright. I see this guy, I dream these dreams and I do these things I don’t remember doing. I can’t remember the last time I slept more than 4 hours, I can’t remember the last time I woke up alone. Every night I have these nightmares that are so real that I don’t know if I am dreaming right now. I close my eyes and all I see are eyes looking back at me. This guy, Cold, he is everywhere and I see him when I am awake.
Ellis and Ollie are looking intently at Micah.
ELLIS
(Reluctantly)You see him right now?
MICAH
No, just you and Ollie.
OLLIE
I kinda figured that was going on.
ELLIS
What?
OLLIE
I get a weird feeling sometimes when you’re around. You clam up all of the sudden, and your really distant.
ELLIS
So you assumed he was seeing things that were not there, or sorry Micah, things that we can’t see.
OLLIE
Micah isn’t crazy remember? I just knew something was up.
MICAH
Let’s just forget we had this little conversation.
ELLIS
K, but will you tell us when this thing is in the room, so I can run?
MICAH
No problem.
MICAH
You think I’m crazy?
Ellis and Ollie don’t answer
MICAH
I do, at least I hope I am.
FADE TO:
INT. MICAH’S BED ROOM - NIGHT
The scene begins in Micah’s (19) room in the dead of night, there are eyes now painted all over Micah’s walls, and there is a large Iguana sleeping beside his bed like a watchman. Micah is having a bad dream and it shows by the language his body is giving out. The blankets have been kicked to the floor and the window is wide open. The curtains are blowing in on Micah as he lies shaking and curled up in a ball on the bed. Micah is saying various things in his sleep. Cold is standing over him in his room as he sleeps. Cold walks over to the bed and sits beside Micah and lovingly strokes his hair as he dreams. At the very touch of Cold hand Micah begins to wail bitterly. Not cry, not weep, but wail. The very touch of Cold is miserable it stinks. Cold leans over and whispers something into Micah’s ear.
COLD
In the end we all will fly Micah, up through the heavens to the fire and fry.
Cold gets up and leaves the room through the bedroom door. As he leaves, Micah catches a glimpse at the back of Cold as he walks though. The camera does a time shot sped up with Micah shaking until morning. Micah opens his eyes to see for the first time a poem written on the wall above his bed, it read, “In the end we all will fly, up to the heavens to the fire and fry.”

EXT. OUTDOOR BASKETBALL COURT - DAY
About 20 to 30 kids play basketball on two courts in a 4 court complex. Micah age 13 is standing alone, dribbling the ball, waiting for the game to be over so he can play.
BASKETBALL KID 1
11 - 10 us. Game point. You ready to walk home barefoot Trey?
TREY
Just check the ball.
Basketball kid 1 checks the ball to Trey who gives it back. The kid dribbles into the lane and takes a circus shot that manages to find the net.
BASKETBALL KID 1
Game. Gimmie your boots.
Trey sits down on the ground with embarrassment and takes off his shoes and hands them to the kid, who takes off his own ripped up shoes and throws them into the creek nearby. He then puts on Treys shoes and they begin picking teams. Micah is standing in the middle of them waiting to be picked, he isn’t.
BASKETBALL KID 1
Get off the court so we can play.
TREY
It’s alright Micah, let’s go.
Micah hesitates as if he were going to make a stand but is interrupted by basketball kid 1 throwing the ball at him and hitting him in the face. The kid picks up the ball and throws it again at him, then again hitting every time. Micah gets off the court in tears, shaking with fear. As he walks away, he turns and looks at basketball kid 1 and then to the road and Trey who is walking away toward the gate to leave. Through tear blurred eyes he makes out an image of a car pulling up and a hand reaching out of the window. He can’t make it out yet, but as he wiped his eyes and focuses, the shots cut through the air. All around him are kids running for the back fence, trying to get away as shot after shot is fired. Micah hits the ground on his face and stays down with his hands covering his head. Micah looks to the back fence and he sees all of the kids on the ground taking cover accept one. Trey. Trey is climbing the back fence when he is hit in the back with a bullet. The shots cease and the car drives off quickly.
CUT TO:
EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
Micah (12) is running as fast as he can while crying and trying to breathe. He runs a couple of blocks before he reaches his house.
INT. MICAH’S HOUSE - NIGHT
He opens the door and runs right past his mom who is looking at him bewildered but not alarmed. Micah runs to his room and goes behind a small little club house he has made under the top bunk of his bunk bed behind the dresser. Micah sits and weeps as silently as he can given what has just happened. He is quiet because he does not want his mom to hear. He turns on the radio to silence his cries. Micah pulls out from under his mattress, a razor blade and hold it to his lips as he weeps. Around him are toy trains, pictures from his football team, a poster of Walter Payton, and various other pictures. Micah picks up a picture of him and his deceased friend Chris from the small dresser and holds it to his forehead with the razor blade still in hand.
MICAH 12
I want to be where you are.
Micah continues to cry as he sets the picture in his lap, stroking the picture of Chris with his finger, and holds the razor first to his throat and then to his wrist. His hands shake as we holds it.
FADE OUT.
EXT. CITY STREET (FALL) - DAY
Camera focuses on Micah (19) as we walks down the same street as the church, nothing is said, just music. Micah is quiet today, just walking and looking at all of the places he is passing, he looks and sees a small child playing catch with the football and laughing. He walks further and sees a little old man and woman sitting together on their porch, as he looks at him they glance back and wave, Micah just turns his head from them and continues walking. Cold is not with him today, he is just sad. The shots change as he walks past the church and looks up at the statue of Mary holding Jesus, then looks up at the cross at the top of the church. Micah walks on down the road until he comes to a liquor store.
INT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY
Micah goes in and walks over to the counter pulls out a twenty.
MICAH
Bottle of the Captain please.
STORE CLERK
You 21?
MICAH
Yeah.
STORE CLERK
You sure?
Clerk looks at Micah with hesitation.
MICAH
You want my money or not?
The clerk gives the bottle to Micah who takes it exchanges the money and leaves the store.
FADE TO:

This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 3

INT. ELLIS’ CAR - DAY

OLLIE
What was that all about? You don’t know how to remove a bird.
MICAH
I know.
OLLIE
So we just going to ditch her?
MICAH
I can’t believe you would suggest such a thing, I run a serious and organized business here, we are going to go and remove these birds, right after we get our supplies from your house.
The car pulls up into Ollie and Ellis’ driveway.
MICAH
We have to hurry because I don’t know how long this is going to take. Just grab whatever you think will help and lets go.
EXT. OUTSIDE OLLIE AND ELLIS’ HOUSE - DAY
The guys run up the driveway and into the house.
FADE IN:
INT. THE TRENTON HOUSE - DAY
The camera focuses on Ellis who is standing in the hallway going through the hallway closet pulling out three large, white pillowcases, and a pair of yellow rubber gloves that he puts in the pillowcase. The camera cuts to Ollie who is in the backyard shed searching quickly for materials. Ollie pulls out a large fly swatter and a small stepladder. The camera then goes to Micah, who is in the kitchen going through the junk drawer on the cabinet. Micah pulls out a harmonica from the drawer and stares at it smiling as if this was the perfect tool for the job.
INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY
The camera fades in to the video store that is in shambles. The drop ceiling has been ripped out all over the store. There is bird poop everywhere and the customers are walking by baffled as we see Micah on top of a ladder holding his harmonica.
MICAH
Ollie, come here with that pillow case.
OLLIE
Walking over to Micah who is now holding the harmonica to his lips.
MICAH
Hold that bag steady be ready to grab that bird when I say.
Micah blows on a couple of the notes and nothing happens, the room is now looking very mysteriously at Micah as he blows the high pitch sound. As he blows the note, the bird takes flight onto the drop ceiling frame by Micah.
MICAH
Now! Ollie grab him!
Ollie freezes up, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.
MICAH
Ollie, grab him!
OLLIE
I can’t.
Micah grabs the bag from Ollie sending Ollie falling off of the ladder and throws it over a very large pigeon and scoops it into the bag. The audience of customers applaud as the two leave the store in shambles and exit to free the bird.
EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY
Micah and Ollie free the bird and the camera focuses on the bird as it flies away dropping one yellow feather into the air as it goes. Micah picks up the peculiar feather without an ounce of surprise and puts it into his pocket. The two then walk away to the car and leave the store a mess.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. A DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
The shot starts in a dream sequence. The colors are different now. Much darker, less color. Micah (19) is wandering down a dark road alone and it seems there is no one within a hundred miles of the place. The street lamps are flickering as he walks in bewilderment of where he is and how he got there. Micah hears a noise from behind him.
MICAH
Hello! Who’s there? Hello!
Yellow vapor begins seeping through the cracks of the walls on each side of him. The smell is pungent. Micah begins to panic as every step he takes seems to be the same as the one before, the same walls, the same buildings, the same vapor. The vapor begins to thicken now as he walks and becomes more scared. Micah walks by a homeless man lying on the ground in the street. Micah approaches him as if for comfort. But before he can get to the man, the man lifts up his head and looks right at Micah.
HOMELESS MAN
Hello Micah.
MICAH
I don’t understand. Shut up.
HOMELESS MAN
What’s not to understand? You are trapped and you just cannot get out, am I right?
The homeless man coughs up some vapor.
MICAH
Yeah, but how did you....
HOMELESS MAN
Don’t you worry about that, I have always known you. You aren’t a very happy soul are you?
Camera goes to Micah who just looks and does not dare say a word.
CUT TO:

INT. MICAH’S APARTMENT ROOM - NIGHT
The camera flashes in from the dream momentarily as Micah is sitting in a trance-like state rapidly painting something on the wall of his room. This is the first of the paintings, it will not be the last.
BACK TO:
EXT. DARK ALLEY - NIGHT
HOMELESS MAN (COLD)
Cover me in ashes and abandon me in the cold, I’ll still be here, I’ll still exist. Of this you can be sure. Where you are, I am. You can shut the door on me, but I will burst through. Be assured that we will be spending a great deal of time together. You may find it easier to recognize me now. My name is Cold.
The Homeless man has now changed to the face of Cold and then vanishes into thin air and Micah is again left alone and now cold. Micah begins walking back down the alley and as he walks, he hears more and more noises from behind him. The vapor is coming more rapidly now as Micah begins to run. The scenes jumps back and forth between Micah painting, now much more frantically as Micah twitches, and the alley where Micah is now running and the vapor has consumed him.
JUMP CUT TO:
INT. MICAH’S APARTMENT ROOM - DAY
Micah wakes up as the dream reaches its climax. It is morning now and Micah bewildered, sits up and scans his room until he comes to the wall he has just painted. What he sees is a dark field covered by storm clouds. In the field there is a dead tree with a headstone under it, obviously his own. In the clouds there is a face looking down with a single tear falling from the sky. Under the painting lies and inscription, “Cover me with ashes and abandon me in the cold, I’ll still be here, I’ll still exist.” Micah sits staring at the painting, motionless all day, and the camera cuts and picks back up at night with him still staring at that picture.
FADE OUT.
EXT. THE PARK - DAY
Camera goes to a young man in his twenties standing and playing guitar in the park. His name is Tom. Micah (6 or 7 years old) sits at his feet listening intently as the melody rips through the trees covering every crevice of open air. As the sax plays on the camera flashes to Tom and Micah sitting together on the grass. Tom is looking intensely into Micah’s eyes and Micah looks intently into Tom’s.
TOM
One day, Micah, this park, this city, and everything in it will be gone. Its buildings reduced to rubble, its people turned to ashes. No more will you see children playing in this park, the birds will not fly in this air, this air is polluted. Unbearable. Uninhabitable. I don’t expect you to understand this now, but one day, you will remember what I have told you.
Micah looks stunned and horrified, yet fascinated.
TOM
Have you ever wondered why ants work so hard to build their underground fortresses and store up enough food for a lifetime. Its because they feel it too. They sense it coming. Most people have no idea, they just go about their normal lives doing normal things, dreaming dreams that will never come living lives that are lost. I had dreams, I had big dreams, dreams of becoming a doctor, or a fireman, or even a pro hockey player, but I have learned that I will never reach my goals, even the trivial, because dreams are just that, dreams. They mean nothing, just something invented by someone to make our lives more livable, more pleasant; mind control to boost morale in the people. The truth is this; There are no dreams that come true, no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny and there is no God, it’s all a lie; we just haven’t figured it out yet. Life lets you strive for your dreams and go for the gold and even lets you get close, but will never let you win. You get where you think you want to be and find out that nothing has changed, you still have that longing. I have come to the conclusion that you deal with whatever life brings you, you do whatever God, or whoever, wants you to do, in the end it’s all the same, you grow old and change from one strange era of life to another and die. School has an end just like summertime, sooner or later its all going to get cold and you will find out that everything you have lived for all your life has left you freezing.
The scene changes to show the very same park in the very same neighborhood, destroyed, with people milling about hopelessly with no place really to go, just moving. Graffiti on the walls of the houses, doors all boarded up, and the streets empty. Tom has now changed, he wears the same close, but has the face of the homeless man (Cold). The scene quickly changes back to the quiet park, where Tom has left Micah lying on the grass alone and sleeping. Micah gets up and begins to walk home a couple of houses down and enters into the front door.
FADE OUT.
INT. GYMNASIUM - NIGHT
Camera fades into the gymnasium of St. Augustine Academy, Micah’s School. The score is 41 to 29 and Augustine is losing. The players are playing their hearts out. The players on the court are Micah, Ellis, Cody, Shorty, and Devon. Although losing this game against their unbeaten rivals, Augustine is playing their best game to date. It is a miracle that they are even in this game. Micah is shown driving the lane to the hoop where he dishes the ball off to Ellis for the lay up. Apostolic returns the favor with a three pointer that was sorely defended. Augustine moves back down the court where Micah shoots a forced three pointer and bricks it. Exhausted Augustine walks back down the court as Apostolic hustles past them to the hoop for another bucket. Exasperated, Augustines coach calls a time out to talk to his players.
COACH
What the heck is going on here? Where are you guys right now? Your already beaten aren’t you? Micah, you try a half court shot, when we are down by 13 with 5 minutes left? Where are you.
Micah doesn’t even look up. He just stands there doubled over and sweating all over the place.
COACH
You want to sit down? You are the captain of this team and you are giving up. Where is your heart you guys, you are in this game, you are not beaten, they are not better than you today. Micah! Look at me. Lead your team.
The horn blows and Augustine’s team walks back onto the floor. Micah’s head is spinning and the room goes quiet. The camera pans to the cheerleaders who are cheering enthusiastically, then to the crowd who are silently but violently rooting their team on. The coach is yelling undecipherable things at the players. Micah looks at his mother, Maxine, who is sitting silently worried. Sitting next to his mother is Cold who watches with a grin. He looks in slow motion at Ellis who is looking back at him, their eyes meet and they exchange a familiar look. Micah begins to stagger a little backwards but does not fall. The room still spins around for Micah as the ball is handed over to Cody for the inbound. As the ball is passed to a bewildered Micah, the scene goes to real time and Micah is off down the court with the ball. Micah finds Cody in the post and Cody turns and shoots and scores. The scene goes from clip to clip as we see Micah hit a three pointer. Ellis hit a lay up after having blocked an Apostolic shot. The camera shows numerous shot being sunk by Augustine and Micah is on a role but looking at Cold frequently. Micah cannot miss right now as he leads his team to a 1 point lead with 15 seconds left. The crowd is cheering and the scene goes again to slow motion, as Apostolic’s point guard brings the ball up court. He stops to set up offense with a little over 8 seconds remaining. The crowd is on their feet and Micah is distracted by Cold walking in front of the rim and just standing their looking at Micah who looks back and is distracted long enough for the Apostolic point guard to heave up a prayer with Shorty in his face. The ball finds its way to the rim and just before the rip of the net, Cold exchanges a grin at Micah who is watching him and not the ball. The shot scores and Apostolic wins as their team runs onto the court to congratulate them. Augustine’s varsity basketball team hit the floor in agony except for Micah who is standing still, watching as Cold walks right out of the gym.
CUT TO:
INT. LOCKER ROOM - NIGHT
The team stands quietly except for the yelling and screaming of Shorty who is bashing everyone in the room except for himself. He looks at Ellis who is sitting silently and screams at him.
SHORTY
You suck Ellis, you can’t even hit a lay up, you have been playing for 100 years and you can’t even hit a lay up.
Shorty punches a locker as the coach sits quietly watching the scene play out.
SHORTY
We had it. We had it. What happened to you Micah? Where are you? Where were you?
Shorty walks gingerly past Micah picking up his bag on the way.

SHORTY
You suck. (to Micah under his breath)


Micah does not even look at him, he just lunges and throws Shorty against the locker. Shorty hits the ground and gets up and runs out of the locker room. As the team exits the locker room Ellis is the last one out except for Micah. Ellis puts a towel on Micah’s head and walks out of the room. Micah has not even attempted to change from his uniform yet and sits there with a blank stare. Ellis comes and sits down next to Micah who is sitting head held low and says nothing, just sits, after several seconds, Ellis pats Micah on the leg and gets up and goes to the next room in the locker room. The camera focuses back on Micah who sits and stares blankly at Cold who is standing in front of the door as if he were not going to let Micah leave this room. Micah gets up to change and he feels a very fast and sharp pain in his chest. The pain subsides for a moment and when Micah begins to get a hold of himself and continue it returns too strong for Micah’s strength and he collapses to the ground shaking violently. Ellis come in from the next room and tries to help Micah. Micah lies on the ground shaking in pain and grimacing, yet his eyes are fixed on the eyes of Cold who is standing in the doorway, smoking a cigarette and leaning against the doorway.
ELLIS
Micah! Micah!
Ellis grabs Micah
MICAH
Don’t touch me! Oh God, don’t touch me!
Ellis kneels over Micah silently, with nothing he can do but wait this one out and pray. Micah does not take his eyes off Cold in defiance, as Cold turns and leaves the locker room. As the door closes, the pain subsides and Micah passes out.
FADE OUT.

This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 2

INT. THE LIBRARY - NIGHT
Micah sits at a large table leafing vigorously through a rather large book. The camera zooms to show pictures of suicides. The first page is of a man hanging from a tree by the neck. Pictures are pencil drawn and of minimal detail.
MICAH
No, too long to die, way too long.
Micah turns the page and what he sees is a picture of a girl who has cut her wrists and is lying in a bath tub.
INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH - NIGHT
Back in the confessional.
MICAH
I like the mess the razor makes, but its really just a cry for help, I’d be found two weeks later still breathing and committed.

INT. THE LIBRARY - NIGHT
Micah getting frustrated turns the page again to see writing and on the next page, more writing, and the next the same, and the same, until Micah throws the book across the room as the woman at the end of the table watches in fear. Micah walks down the long aisles of books letting his fingers glide down all of the bindings of the books as he walks, camera focuses on the hand. Micah walks right out the front door, swinging both doors open as wide as the hinges will allow.
CUT TO:
INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH - NIGHT
MICAH
So what do I have to do to make this right with God?
FATHER MCAFFEREY
I don’t know if you could ever make suicide right with God. Are you looking for a way out?
MICAH
Don’t you think I’ve tried that. No one wants to die, the thought of not existing is unbearable. And I think that is why religion is so attractive to people. If we can believe there is no real end to life, it makes our lives easier to bear. It’s what keeps an old man from going insane with fear in his bed. But it seems to me that this is just another lie we tell ourselves. Life really can be more unbearable than death for some people.
FATHER MCAFFEREY
Son, I don’t really know what to tell you right now, except for you don’t have to live this way. (Micah rolls his eyes) I know, I know, I don’t know you or what you have been through, but if you would just open your mind to some of these fairy tales you keep talking about, you might find some truth in there somewhere. Something to give you peace.
MICAH
OK. I gotta go now, I’ve got a show tonight. See you around. (Micah smiles as he says this)
Micah leaves the church.
CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSIDE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH - NIGHT
Micah lights a cigarette and stares up at the bell tower of this large Catholic church, he then picks up a couple blades of grass, and throws them into the wind while looking up to the bell tower, imagery meant to show his desire to fly from the top of that tower. Micah begins walking back down the street that is by now virtually empty toward his house.
MICAH
(Narrated) Love is an interesting topic of discussion for today, would you like to tell me about the time that you felt most loved? No thanks doctor, but would you like to know why I hate dogs? I was in eighth grade and I was walking to school one morning, walking to school is what little boys do sometimes, when I saw before me, about a hundred yards away, two horses, at least they looked like horses, turns out they were pit bulls, what luck. I began to run shortly after they started chasing me, but too late to hop a fence. So I ran. The horses gained a lot of ground as I neared my street and I started to hear them panting and snarling, and doing that thing that horses do when they sneeze, and I could feel hot air on my ankles. What do you do Micah? Scream, no by the time help arrives; I'll be a biscuit. Turn and try to fight? That is now the funniest idea I've ever had. Maybe I'll reason with them. I'll just turn around and explain why a skinny little boy like me would never make a good meal, why they would be much more satisfied with a nice packet of oat meal. I jumped. I jumped right up onto a car and I was saved until help arrived, that, Dr. Smorgasbord, is why I hate dogs, and walking to school. Those things are real. Love is nothing more than a lie among a thousand others I have chosen to adopt.
FADE TO:
INT. ELLIS AND OLIVER’S HOUSE - DAY

Camera fades out from a close up from Micah’s face pressed against the floor of Ellis’s bedroom. The camera fades out to see Ellis sleeping on his bed and the alarm clock reading 11:34. Micah wakes and looks around the messy room, slightly disoriented, but comfortable.
MICAH
We going to school today? Ellis?
ELLIS
What! (Half-asleep)
MICAH
We goin to school today?
ELLIS
What time is it?
MICAH
11:30.
ELLIS
I don’t care, whatever you want to do.
MICAH
Let’s go cause some trouble.
ELLIS
What about Ollie? Did he go to school?
MICAH
I don’t know yet, but if he is he’ll be sorry he did.
CUT TO:
INT. ELLIS AND OLLIE’S HOUSE...OLLIE’S ROOM - DAY
Ollie is sleeping on the recliner in the living room, he is sucking his thumb and holding on to a pillow and is wearing a a pair of shorts and some argyle dress socks.
ELLIS
Get up Ollie!
OLLIE
What! (Jumping to a sitting position)
ELLIS
Come on, we gotta go.
CUT TO:
INT. VIDEO STORE - DAY
Micah, Ellis, and Ollie are pacing slowly up and down the aisle of this small video store. There are a small amount of people here at this time of day on a Tuesday afternoon. There are sounds of birds chirping violently and annoyingly. Micah, and the guys are walking and trying to ignore this for a while until frustration overcomes Ellis and he comments.
ELLIS
What is that? What is that stupid noise?
OLLIE
Sounds like birds gettin busy.
Micah walks away silently out of the picture while Ollie picks up a movie from the rack and shows it to Ellis.
ELLIS
What the heck is that?
Ollie holds up a copy of Rhinestone, the movie.
OLLIE
What, its Stallone, you’ve got to love Stallone.
ELLIS
You idiot.
OLLIE
What the heck is Micah doing?
They both look to see Micah speaking with the clerk at the desk. They approach to see what they are talking about.
MICAH
Two years now, I can take care of this problem.
CLERK
I don’t know, my boss isn’t here, and I don’t think I can authorize spending petty cash without her approval.
MICAH
Who said anything about money, I’m not charging you for my service, I enjoy your video store, and your service, and I would be glad to remove these birds for free. Most people give me 100 to 150 bucks to remove one bird, and from the sound of it you have at least three up there. You need help and I can help you, what is there to be approved?
Clerk stands and stares reluctantly for a moment two at Micah who looks sincere in his respect for this woman. After a couple of moments, Micah gives the girl a warm smile and she returns the smile with flirtatious one.
CLERK
OK. But try to get it done by five because my boss comes in at 6.
MICAH
You got it, be right back
Micah flashes her another smile and walks out the door with Ollie and Ellis trailing in bewilderment.
CUT TO: