This Is My Suicide Letter, Part 8

INT. MICAH’S SCHOOL - DAY
Micah (16-18) is changing the trash in the men’s room. He is listening to head phones. Ellis walks into the bathroom.
ELLIS
What are you doing?
MICAH
The school says my mom owes them money. She can’t pay.
ELLIS
What? They're making you clean the bathroom?
MICAH
Not just this one. I have to clean all the bathrooms, all the classroom have to be vacuumed, all the halls have to be vacuumed, everything.
ELLIS
Everyday?
MICAH
Yup.
ELLIS
That’s crap, lets get out of here.
MICAH
I can’t, I got to finish this.
ELLIS
Alright, see you at my house later?
MICAH
Yeah, tell your mom I’ll be home for dinner.
ELLIS
Alright, see you later.
MICAH
Bye.
FADE TO:
INT. MICAH’S SCHOOL - NIGHT
It is now dark outside and Micah is still cleaning the school. He is in one of the bathrooms getting ready to clean it when he stops and just stares into the urinal. He stares for several seconds in shock and amazement.
MICAH
Who craps in the urinal?
He pauses contemplating what to do next, to clean and keep his job, or leave it and get fired.
MICAH
Totally worth it.
Micah drops the garbage bag and squirt bottle where they are and walks out of the bathroom.
FADE OUT.
INT. MICAH’S CHILDHOOD ROOM - NIGHT
Micah (12) and Vern are sitting on top of Micah’s top bunk bed. Both are wearing superhero pajamas. Micah looks confident and Vern looks determined.
MICAH 12
This is the final thing you have to do to be a ninja Vern.
VERN
I won’t get hurt?
MICAH 12
Not if you really have what it takes to be a ninja you won’t. You think I would ever ask you to do anything I haven’t done myself? I didn’t kill Bruce Lee by being afraid of getting hurt.
VERN
Alright, I’m ready.
Micah gets behind Vern and takes a belt and ties Vern’s hands behind his back. He then helps Vern to get into position for the plunge. He helps Vern to lay down at the edge of the bed head first on his belly. Micah then gives Vern a push and Vern falls off the top bunk head first with his hands tied behind his back to the floor. Vern hits the floor with his head and all of his body on top of it. Everything just stops and Micah looks at Vern on the floor with his mouth gaping open in shock. Micah jumps off the bed and runs toward the door, throwing it open and screaming for his mom.
MICAH 12
Mom, mom! Vern fell off the bed and he’s bleeding.
MAXINE
Micah, what happened!
Maxine tends to Vern as the scene fades out.
FADE OUT.
EXT. CITY STREET (FALL) - DAY

Micah (19) is walking down the street toward the tracks on a cool Fall morning. Micah looks beat up and ungroomed. Micah is having a terrible hangover. What Micah sees as he walks is a child in the front yard of his house wrestling alone with a pillow with a markered on face and clothes on it. The boy drops an elbow from the porch to the grass and goes for the pin. Micah sees a man on a bike who is obviously mentally handicapped ride his bike aimlessly. The man is wearing a satin tigers jacket and a very dirty Tigers hat. He has a bag of empty pop bottles on the back of his bike.
MICAH
(Narrated) You know what is weird about the whole being watched thing is? It kinda makes me feel a little less alone. I mean don’t get me wrong it stills scares the crap out of me, but I don’t feel completely alone anymore, I guess that’s something.
Micah approaches the door of a liquor store.
FADE OUT.
INT. LIQUOR STORE - DAY
Micah walks into the liquor store to be greeted by that pretty blonde from the grocery store. Micah approaches the counter.
PRETTY BLONDE
You look like you had a rough night.
MICAH
Yeah something like that. I saw you. I mean, I saw you at the grocery store, carrying your bags.
PRETTY BLONDE
Did you help me get them to the car?
Micah looks at her feeling guilty.
MICAH
Yeah. We went out for coffee after, then you invited me to your place, but I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet.
The pretty blonde just smiles.
PRETTY BLONDE
What can I get for you?
MICAH
I’ll have a fifth of Jack.
PRETTY BLONDE
Little early isn’t it.
MICAH
It’s for later, I’m having some friends over then I’m playing a show at the Dive. 10 o’clock if you want to come check it out.
PRETTY BLONDE
We’ll see. I need to paint my nails, and resurface my floor tonight, but you never know. You got Id?
Micah grins at her with a cocky grin, expecting to see her tonight.
MICAH
No, but I’m clearly at least 50. I’ll see you tonight then.
Micah hands the girl a 20 dollar bill, which the girl slides back to him on the counter. The pretty blonde just gives a we’ll see nod at him, hands him the Jack and smiles and Micah exits the store.
CUT TO:
INT. MICAH’S BED ROOM - NIGHT
Micah (19) wakes up in the middle of the night. There is classical, but eerie music playing on the CD player next to his head. Micah is alone tonight, not even Cold is here to greet him in the night. Micah sits up on his bed and looks at the alarm clock, it says 4:01. Micah lights a cigarette and starts putting on his clothes. Tonight Micah is sober. Micah makes his way to the door, kicking beer and whiskey bottles across the room as he does. Micah exits the apartment and steps into the cold night air.
CUT TO:
EXT. MICAH’S CAR - NIGHT
Micah (19) walks to his car, gets in and pulls out of the parking lot. The streets are completely devoid of people. The street lights are blinking at every intersection as Micah rolls through them. The city is a graveyard. Micah pulls onto a quiet, dark street and parks the car in front of someone’s house and gets out. He moves to the trunk of the car and pulls out a fishing pole and a tackle box.
CUT TO:
EXT. HORSE ISLAND - NIGHT
Micah (19) is just sitting there and fishing and smoking. Micah is waiting for the sun to rise for the last time. Micah just stares into the black sky smoking cigarette after cigarette. The camera shows Cold sitting next to him.
MICAH
I wish it could be different you know. I wish I could have been born a different way, raised a different way, thought a different way. But I don’t know any other way, I don’t know what it means to be normal, so this is normal to me. This is Micah sitting here waiting to see his last sunset, waiting to be special, waiting to breathe. Waiting to like himself. Today is my last day, good morning sun, good night Detroit.
The sun is rising in the distance and it is beautiful.
COLD
It’s Ok. You can feel however you want. That is the beauty of life, no one can control how you feel, not even you. No one can touch that, you can hide it, jump through hoops and be a clown in front of everyone, but no one can touch it, it’s yours.
Micah lays his head back on the wall and just stares up into his last sunrise.
FADE OUT.
EXT. ELLIS’ TENT - NIGHT
Micah (19), Ellis, Ollie, and Jim are all lying in a tent in Ellis’ backyard. There is a flashlight on in the tent to give light to the room. None of the boys are sleeping, they are just talking and laying in the tent in between bottles and bottles of booze.
JIMMY
I will never drink anything cinnamon again. How the heck do they get all that crystal inside of the bottle.
OLLIE
The same way they get the filling inside a Twinkie, or the peanut butter inside of the Reese. They feed the filling to it. The chocolate eats the peanut butter and gets fat.
ELLIS
Shut up. Listen!
From the corner of the tent, Micah has fallen asleep and is mumbling something.
MICAH
Cover me in ashes. Cover me in ashes. Cover me in ashes. I’ll still be here.
OLLIE
What the crap is he saying.
ELLIS
Shut up Ollie.
Ellis looks concerned about Micah.
ELLIS
We should wake him up.
JIMMY
No way, lets mess with him. Micah, where are you right now.
MICAH
Outside. It’s dark.
JIMMY
Who else is there with you?
MICAH
Cold.
JIMMY
OK, but who else is with you?
ELLIS
Cold is a person, or something, I don’t know, lets wake him up.
JIMMY
Micah what is Cold doing.
MICAH
He’s digging. A big hole. Under a big tree.
JIMMY
Why?
Micah does not respond.
JIMMY
Why?
CUT TO:
EXT. A FIELD - NIGHT
Cold is digging a large hole in the ground underneath a huge willow tree. Micah is hanging from that tree from his feet upside down a few feet form a campfire. Cold continues to dig as Micah struggles to get free from the rope. Cold has no expression on his face at all and does not seem to mind the struggle. After the hole has been dug, Cold approaches Micah and stoops down to look at him in his eyes.
COLD
Do you know who you came from Micah?
Micah just stares.
COLD
You came from this.
Cold takes a handful of ash and spreads it over Micah’s face.
COLD
You came from ashes. You came from what’s left of what was here before. Just matter, just flesh. You know where I came from Micah? I came from God. I am but a bastard just like you. You need to learn not to feel it, not to feel the longing, not to feel hope. Because hope does not exist, it’s fake, there is no way out for you, and daddy isn’t coming home. When you learn not to feel, you learn true freedom. You can do anything. There will be no limitations in this world or the next to who you can be, because your free, really free, just like me. And all you have to do is get rid of this.
Cold reaches into Micah’s chest and removes his heart. Micah looks at the heart in shock. Cold stands and throws the heart into the hole in the ground and starts piling the ash on top of it.
BACK TO:
EXT. ELLIS’ TENT - NIGHT
The scene flashes back and Ellis, Ollie, and Jimmy are restraining Micah who is grasping at his chest in horrible pain. They fight him for a moment, then Micah passes out from the pain and lays silent and at peace in Ellis’ lap.
FADE OUT.
EXT. BASEBALL FIELD - DAY
Micah (7) is playing second base in the field of his T-ball game. Micah is waiting for the hitter to hit the ball to him, when internal dialogue kicks in.
MICAH 7
Come on stupid. Hit me the ball. Hit me the ball. What if I miss it in front of everyone. Crap, what if I miss? I can’t miss, I won’t miss. Come on, hit the ball you little punk. Ow (Micah grabs his abdomen). Ow! No, not now, not here. You just calm down you little turd. You just settle down now and I’ll take care of you later. Ow!
Micah falls to his knees doubled over in pain holding his abdomen. The ball is hit his way and he can only watch it roll right by him as the rest of his team grumbles and laughs at him.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE’S CAR - DAY
Micah is laying in the back of Maxine’s van holding his stomach and writhing in pain.
MICAH 7
Mommy, when are we going to be home?
MAXINE
In just a minute Micah, give me 5 minutes.
MICAH 7
Alright.
Micah starts rocking back and forth on the seat of the van, trying his very best not to wreck his baseball pants. Tears are streaming down his face.
MICAH 7
How much longer mom?
MAXINE
4 minutes.
CUT TO:
EXT. MAXINE’S HOUSE - DAY
The van pulls up and Micah jumps out right as it comes to a stop and runs to the front door as fast as he can. He twists and rattles the door knob, begging for it to be unlocked. Maxine’s walks up and unlocks the door sending Micah tearing through the hallway.
CUT TO:
INT. MAXINE’S HOUSE - DAY
Micah is running through the house to the bathroom, begging for his body, then God to hold him out. He gets to the bathroom door and opens it as he is wrestling with his pants belt. The belt is winning this match and at the height of his struggle, he losses his strength and losses his bowels.

MICAH 7
Come on Micah, just a minute, just a minute, God help me, make it stop!(Falling to the floor) No!
Micah just kneels there and weeps over the toilet seat for a moment.
MICAH 7
Stupid!
The scene closes when Micah throws his soiled pants into the toilet.
FADE OUT.
EXT. ELLIS’ CAR - DAY
Ellis and Micah are driving down a pretty busy street. The car is quiet except for the music. Micah is staring out the passenger seat window looking at the faces of all of the people he sees as he passes. Micah stares as if he is looking into the soul of the person his focus is on. He looks to his right and sees an old man driving alone.
FADE TO:
INT. OLD MAN’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The old man is wearing his pajamas and is kneeling at the foot of his bed, looking up at the ceiling, praying to God or his understanding of God. He gets up to his feet, then sits down on his bed and looks over to the picture of his dead wife and children on the night stand. He lays down having never broken his gaze from them. He then lies there staring at the picture, then pulls the chain and the lights go out.
BACK TO:
EXT. ELLIS’ CAR - DAY
Micah still staring out the window, catches the eye of a little boy playing with a toy train in the back seat of his car. His parents are sitting in the front seat just staring ahead at the cars in front of them. The little boy looks at him and his face changes and flashes with the five year old Micah’s face. The little boy looks at Micah and smiles, then makes a funny face.
FADE TO:
INT. CHILD’S ROOM - DAY
The little boy is sitting on the floor playing with his wrestling men. One of the men is losing really bad to the other. The boy’s father throws open the door with a letter in his hands. The father is the Micah’s father as he sees him.
BOY’S FATHER
You know who this is from?
BOY
No?
BOY’S FATHER
This is from your school.
As the father says this he kicks the little boy in the ribs. This sends the little boy sliding to the base of his bed doubled over in agony. The boy tries and fails to stand to his feet. The father reaches down and slaps the little boy across the face.
BOY’S FATHER
You think we work so hard to give you a roof and clothes and an education to see you get D’s on your report card?
The boy rises to his feet looking directly at his father with tears in his eyes. The camera focuses through the boys blurry eyes looking up at his father. Then the camera focuses back and forth as the father slaps the child over and over again. The boy will not cry and he will not stay on the floor, he will stand his ground. He glances over and focuses on a yellow feather sitting on the floor next to the heat register.
FADE OUT.
INT. OLLIE’S VAN - DAY
Micah, Ellis, and Ollie, sit in Ollie’s car smoking cigarettes and talking. Micah is in the passenger seat leaning almost all the way back and staring up through the sunroof at a plane passing over the top of them. He looks at the plane as if the passengers were crazy, shakes his head, then the camera goes to Ellis who is driving Ollie’s car. Ellis is looking out the side window at a pretty girl, walking her dog down the sidewalk, he smiles with a look of acknowledgement at the beautiful girl. The camera goes to Ollie who is looking out the back window at a homeless guy lying next to some dumpsters drinking liquor. Ollie has a look of disgust on his face as if this bum was hurting him in some way.
MICAH
Ollie, are you gay?
OLLIE
What? Shut up, no!
MICAH
That’s good.
MICAH
You guys ready?
ELLIS
Yeah.
OLLIE
Let’s do it.
Both Ellis and Micah look back at Ollie with a look of shock. As they cannot believe what just came out of Ollie’s mouth.
ELLIS
Alright Ton Loc, let’s do it.
OLLIE
Shut up.
The three of them sit up straight and put on three ski masks and zip up their coats and hop out of the car then walk to the door of the convenience store.
CUT TO:
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
Micah swings open the door and the three of them walk through as if they had all of the confidence in the world, accept for Ollie, who has his lips pushed out of the ski mask oddly far, looking as if he were going to kill someone. They are making a b-line for and area just beside the cash register. The clerk looks at the three of them with real caution in his eyes as he reaches under the counter. The three of them walk over to the coffee machine, their destination and begin pouring the coffee from the cappicino machine then slam them down on the counter and look directly into the clerks eyes and wait. The clerk is looking as if he saw a ghost and opens the register and puts his hands on the twenties. As he pulls out a wad of them, he is interrupted by Micah, who slams down a dollar in quarters on the counter.
MICAH
How you doing today?
CLERK 2
Ok, and you?
MICAH
Not bad, some weather we have here huh?
CLERK 2
Yeah, I thought you were coming into rob, me.
Clerk 2 quickly shows his gun that was in his hand.
ELLIS
Wow. That’s not a toy, be careful.
OLLIE
Can I hold it?
CLERK 2
No buddy, have a nice day guys.
The clerk takes the money and puts it into the cash register as the other two pay as well. Ellis quietly takes his hand and takes the loose change out of the little cup on the counter, he takes it and puts it into his pocket. After the deal has been done, Micah stares into the eyes of the clerk who stares back, still with great caution, not knowing what to say. After several moments, Micah winks at the clerk, then walks away with a grin. They leave the store and get back into Ollie’s van.
FADE OUT.